Page 34 of Words I Couldn't Say
ALTHOUGHI’D BEEN UP INTOthe wee hours of the night, I awoke the next morning bright and early. That was thanks to Pacey, who’d decided that, if he had to wake up, everyone in the Banks home had to do the same. Fortunately for me, he was adorable and I’d missed his chubby, little cheeks.
Chubby cheeks that weren’t so chubby anymore. Since last Christmas, he’d lost most of his baby fat. He’d reminded me three times he was going to be in the first grade, a thought that made me want to weep. It was just another reminder of how much I’d missed out on since I’d been gone. Something I lamented over to my mother, who gave me a swift kick in the ass.
She stopped washing dishes and turned to face me, looking ridiculous as she pointed a yellow rubber finger in my face. “Get over it, Ava.” That was it. Blunt. Then she continued. “You made an adult decision to move to California after you graduated. You worked all through school, earned your degree, and you’ve enjoyed success while living your dream. In doing so, you had to make sacrifices. That’s life, honey. Don’t dwell on all the things you’ve missed out on. Be grateful for all the experiences you’ve gained from going out on your own and making it on the silver screen. Be proud of the woman you’ve become. Your father and I are both insanely proud of you. Tucker is, too. Get that through your thick skull and move on. Enjoy being here instead of dwelling on the past. Because I already dealt with years of Lexi doing that before she reunited with Jace. I can’t take it coming from my baby girl.”
It was exactly what I’d needed to hear. She was right, and Tucker had basically said the same thing the night before. We couldn’t change our past. We couldn’t go back in time now that we were older, wiser. We had to embrace the decisions we’d made and learn from them. We had to live in the now, and that’s what I was going to do.
After a little bit of arm-twisting—okay, not that much—I’d been convinced to take Pacey, Eli, and Flynn to King’s Island for the day. As they informed me, I owed them since I’d left them to deal with our parents year-round. Having lived as an only child for nearly ten years, I totally got it, so off we went to Cincinnati’s amusement park. By the end of the day, I was beat and resorted to watching the youngest two ride the Scooby-Doo repeatedly ride while Flynn tried to impress some girls with his exceptional dart skills, earning several stuffed animals to give away.
It was awesome being home. I wouldn’t have many days like this because I’d be swamped with filming, so I basked in the warm sunshine and the fact that all four Banks kids were hanging out without Mom and Dad.
“Ava?”
I tore my eyes away from where Pacey was animatedly jumping up and down and pointing at the screen where he and Eli had made silly faces for the camera. Flynn had apparently decided he’d had enough flirting, because he was standing in front of me, his face flushed.
“Hey, buddy. You need some more money?” I asked, but he shook his head.
He released a short breath and took the seat beside me. “I’m glad you’re home,” he said.
I tried to keep the hot tears from welling up in my eyes. It was no use. Having missed my little brothers, I couldn’t help the one that spilled over onto my cheek.
I swiped it away and gave him a smile. “I’m glad I’m home, too. And I promise I won’t stay away this long ever again.”
His eyes rounded. “You’re not mad at Tucker anymore?”
I didn’t miss the hopeful tone in his question. “What? No, of course not! I was never mad at Tucker. Why would you think that?”
Flynn looked out to where our brothers were standing in line again. He scuffed the toe of his tennis shoe on the pavement before he met my gaze again. “I know you think I was just a little kid, Ava, but I remember that you and Tucker used to be inseparable.”
I scrunched my forehead in confusion. Flynn was nearly eight when I’d left. How could he have noticed that?
“What do you mean?” I asked. “How did you notice that?”
He shrugged. “I’m not supposed to tell you this. Or, well, I wasn’t back then.”
I leaned forward, my curiosity piqued.
“Dad paid me to watch you guys.”
As quickly as I’d leaned forward, I jerked back. “What?! Oh my god, are you serious?” I was practically screeching, but my mind raced back to all the times Tucker’s hand had slid into my pants or when my mouth was on him.
I.
Was.
Horrified.
“Yeah,” he replied. “I remember him saying something like, ‘Flynn, the way a man respects his woman’s father is as important as the way respects his woman. If Tucker’s any kind of man, he’ll respect me enough to keep his hands off Ava in my house. If he so much as touches her, I want you to tell me. Got it?’” he repeated, sounding like an exact copy of my father.
His words were an instant relief. You know how I’ve said Tucker is exactly like my dad? Their sentiments on kissing in the familial home are also the same. Tucker never had, not once, kissed me in my parents’ home. Heck, it had been hard enough getting him to kiss me goodnight on our porch.
Still, I narrowed my eyes. “And the tree house?” I inquired, holding my breath, hoping Tucker and I hadn’t scarred him for life.
