Page 50 of Words I Couldn't Say
My nostrils flared at the idea of him hearing Ava’s soft moans or the way she’d scream my name when her orgasms overtook her. “Goddammit, I didn’t think you were home,” I seethed through clenched teeth. Every single time Ava and I had been together, I’d thought Tanner was out of the house. Clearly, that hadn’t been the case. “And I don’t need to know your porn habits, thank you very much.”
He waved me away. “Don’t worry. I’m usually not. But I did get home in time to see the scattering of clothes leading from the front door to your room the first night she stayed over. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together.”
“So we slept together. Big deal.”
“And you’ve done so every night since? Catching up on all of that lost time, eh?” He wagged his eyebrows up and down.
I sighed. “Look, Tanner, it’s none of your business, but since you live in the house, I’ll be straight with you. Ava is only here while she’s filming the movie. I don’t know how long I’ll have her, but while I do, she’s in my bed. But this thing between us? It’s only temporary. Just a friends-with-benefits kinda thing. It’s only for while she’s here, and then it’s done. She knows that. So do I.”
The words sounded so phony coming from my lips, and Tanner knew it.
“Bullshit. You’ve been in love with Ava Banks since you were kids. When she left, you were devastated. Half the time I felt like I was going to have to parent you. Then you finally got your shit together and you wrote that damn book for her.” He paused.
I’d originally intended to keep the book from Tanner, but once the royalty payments had started coming in, I had to tell him. Like he’d said, it hadn’t taken a rocket scientist to know that the book was for Ava.
“And, now that she’s back,” he said, “you expect me to believe it’s only temporary or a friends-with-benefits type of situation? No way in hell. Lie to yourself all you want, but I know the truth.”
He had me there.
I dropped the act and grinned. “I don’t plan on it only being temporary.”
His brow wrinkled. “But you just said—”
“You’re right. I’ve been in love with Ava for as long as I can remember. I love her, and I wrote that damn book for her. I demanded she got the part, because without her, there is no Abby. There is no book, no movie. Without her, there is no me. But the last thing I want to do is spook her. I have to play this right so she doesn’t go running back to L.A. without me.”
“You’re an idiot, you know that?” he responded, shaking his head.
“The biggest, but I’m a fool in love, little brother. You’ll understand one day.”
Tanner shot me a knowing smile indicating he didn’t believe a word I said. As I left him to his paperwork, I replayed our conversation over again in my head. He was the one who was right. It was stupid to be playing games. The second Ava had suggested friends with benefits, I should’ve shut her down. There was no way that would ever be enough for me, and I was tired of pretending like it was.
I wanted Ava to be mine. I was the only one standing in my way. I was tired of keeping her at arm’s length. I was tired of protecting my heart when I was suffering from it. I was tired of not doing exactly what I’d set out to do when I’d first written the book.
With a smile on my face, I knew exactly what I had to do.
