Page 76 of Words I Couldn't Say
He’d known it, too. Unlike me, he wasn’t even out of breath when he walked through the iron gate. When his eyes locked in on mine, I saw the relief in them. I didn’t miss the way he paused, watching me. I definitely didn’t miss how he nibbled on his bottom lip before releasing it along with a heavy sigh. I was angry. I was hurt. But, upon seeing him, tall and strong, will a full head of hair and seemingly healthy in every way, I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around his neck, and promise to never leave him again.
But, first, I needed the truth. Not because it would change anything. Of course it wouldn’t. I loved him with my whole heart. I just needed to know what he needed from me. To know he’d kept nothing from me, hidden nothing from me. If this was going to work, we had to be open books with each other.
So, as much as I wanted to drop the act, I protectively folded my arms across my chest the closer he got.
“Go away, Tucker. I want to be alone,” I insisted.
It was stupid and unfair to push him away, but I needed time to process my emotions. To process the idea that the fiction that had brought us back together was my reality. My heart was on the verge of shattering. I wanted to go to him, to tell him that everything would be okay.
He stuck his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and shook his head slightly before cocking it to the side. “So, is this how it’s going to be, Ava? Something spooks you, something doesn’t go your way, so you run?”
When he put it that way, I realized he was right. I had done just that. Instead of running, I should’ve stood my ground and demanded he tell me everything. As I held on to the chains of the swing, I merely offered him a halfhearted shrug.
A low growl came from his direction, and my gaze shot up to see a fierce expression darkening his face.
“You are my woman. You do not run from me. You runtome.”
The sentiment rang far too true, and once again, I was suddenly ashamed of my fight-or-flight instinct. Hot tears pricked my eyes and slowly rolled down my cheeks.
“It was wrong. I’m sorry. Once again, I’m screwing things up by being a coward.” I sniffed and met his gaze, offering a small smile, hoping that this stupid act hadn’t pushed him away. “Forgive me?”
He took a step towards me. Then he kneeled before the swing set and took my hand into his. Soft tenderness replaced the fire in his eyes “No, baby. There’s nothing to forgive.” He used his thumb to wipe the tears away. “You ran away from me once before and I didn’t follow you. I promised myself, if I ever had you back in my life, I’d never let you go again. You run, I’ll chase. For as long as it takes. I’d go to the ends of the Earth for you. I love you, Ava. I’ve always loved you. You’re mine and I won’t stop reminding you of that until it sinks in and takes anchor in your heart. You own me. Every single piece of me, every fiber of my being, is yours. I can’t lose you. Not again.”
I sniffled, loving the sentiment but hating his secrecy of something so momentous. “Then why? Why would you keep this from me?”
The corners of his eyes turned downward and he pressed his lips together in a tight line, but he held my gaze all the same. I couldn’t help myself. I used my free hand to stroke the stubble on his cheek that I’ve come to adore.
“I love you, Tucker. I never, not in a million years, thought I’d have the kind of love my parents have. And yet I do. With you. But, when you say I have all of you, it must be true. The good, the bad, the thrilling, and the terrifying. And everything in between. I’ll run to you, always, but you have to run to me, too.”
With those words, he tore his gaze from mine. His head bowed and rested in my lap. When he looked back up, his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. For him. For me. I wasn’t sure, but I knew I was about to find out. “I understand that. I swear, my intention wasn’t to keep anything about me from you.”
I frowned.
He used the pad of his thumb to trace my lower lip before standing up and holding his hand out. “Do you trust me?”
Even with as confused and as hurt as I was, I gave him the truth. Placing my hand in his, I met his gaze. “More than anyone in this world.”
Tucker led me back through the woods, and when we reached my parents’ back deck, I could see them both watching us through the window. We walked in silence up the stairs and into the house, where my mom opened the door for us. Both of my parents were waiting for us, and my father was staring at the floor.
As I was about to address him, Tucker stopped me inside the kitchen. “Just remember, I love you. And, moving forward, I will never, ever keep anything from you. No matter who asks me to.” Then he gave my father a sharp glare.
Though his cryptic words were confusing, dread set in.
“Jeremy, it’s time we told her everything.”
My mom placed an arm around my shoulder, taking me from Tucker’s side and leading me to the living room. Once I was settled on the couch, nerves twinged in my belly. The mood in the room was somber, and I had no idea what was happening.
Finally, after pacing across the carpet for several moments, Dad let out a long, drawn-out breath as his sad eyes met mine. “Ava, Tucker wasn’t the one with cancer. It was me.”
And then, unceremoniously, I fainted.
When I came to, I was flat on my back on the couch. Mom was hovering over me and waving smelling salts under my nose. I pushed her hand away and gingerly sat up. Tucker was sitting in a chair, his forearms resting on his thighs as he watched me. He had the decency to look ashamed.
Mom stroked sweaty hair off my forehead. “Ava, honey, are you okay?”
“Of course I’m not okay. But how can you even think to ask about me when you just told me Dad has cancer?”
“Had, Ava,” Tucker chimed in, but he quickly shut his mouth when I glared at him.
