Page 90 of Conflagration
“Ariana didn’t leave him because he didn’t have any money. She left because she overheard him saying he didn’t love her. That all he wanted was a trophy wife.”
“Fuuuuuck,” I breathe out, burying my head in my hands. “What the fuck have I done?”
I knew it all along. Deep down, I knew that Megan and Cunningham were lying sacks of shit, yet I still let them plant those seeds. My own trust issues helped them grow until I lashed out at the only woman I’ve ever been able to trust. The only woman I’ve ever loved.
“Dude, I get it. You went through that with Megan and you didn’t want it to happen again. Only this time, you allowed yourself to fall in love with Ariana. You finally put a woman above the job, and at the first sign of trouble, you put your walls back up and pushed her away. And you fucked up. Now my question is: what are you going to about it?”
I look up at him. “What can I do? I compared her to Megan. I… Fuck. I made her believe this whole thing was fake in order to keep Dad happy and become CEO. There’s no way in hell she’ll ever talk to me again, let alone forgive me. Fuck, I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, a sinking feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Have I learned nothing from her or my time with her? Getting up from the stool, I head into my bedroom to the spot on my dresser where my wallet is before going back out to the kitchen.
Shane watches as I pull out the ring and the two notes from her. “What are those?”
“This is the kick in the ass I need to win my woman back,” I tell him, ignoring the confused look on his face.
Re-reading the note Ariana left me all those months ago in Atlanta, I know what I have to do. If I don’t want her to give up on me, then I can’t give up on myself. She was right. Life is messy. Love? It’s even more so. We’re going to fight, and we’re going to have problems. But no matter what, I’m going to love her. I’m going to trust her. And if I have my way, I’m going to spend the rest of my life doing both those things. No matter what it takes.
COMING TO the Smoky Mountains is probably the most therapeutic thing I could’ve done. I’ve been here for ten days, and it’s done wonders for me. I feel refreshed even though I’ve done little more than lounge on the deck or soak in the hot tub. Something about the fresh air soothes me, and as I sit here watching the sunset with a hot mug of tea, it’s easy for me to shut off my mind. You’d think the silence would be deafening, but it’s the opposite. As I lie back on the lounge chair, I hear the crickets chirping and enjoy the sounds of nature that are usually drowned out by the roar of the city. For a short while, I’ve shut down, and it’s been incredible.
That doesn’t mean that Branson’s been far from my mind. The first night here, it felt wrong, and I almost packed up and left. I forced myself to stay, however, and I’m glad I did. Anywhere I go, he’ll be with me, and thus far, he has been. Everything I do causes me to think of him. It’s conflicting. Being here feels so right, yet it feels all too wrong.
Just as I’m about to doze off, the sound of my phone ringing wakes me. My heart falters when I see that it’s Alyssa. I don’t know why I’m hoping that it’s Branson considering I haven’t answered a single one of his phone calls—which still come in every hour on the hour. Even though I never answer, the constant calls warm my heart, making me still feel close to him even though we’re so far apart.
I’ve avoided my sister’s phone calls—hell, any phone calls, actually—and decide that it’s time I finally answer.
“Hey, Alyssa,” I say sleepily.
“It’s about damn time you answer your phone,” she admonishes. “I don’t know where you are, and you haven’t called me since you first settled.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s been nice disconnecting from everything, from everyone. It’s been really good for me.”
She sighs. “Does that mean you still haven’t talked to him?”
“No, I haven’t. I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Well, if you’d have answered your phone any time in the last week, I could’ve told you I had a visitor,” she informs me, cutting straight to the chase.
“Oh?” I ask even though I know who it was.
“He looked awful, Ari. I think this is really taking a toll on him.”
“Then he shouldn’t have been so quick to rush to judgment,” I snap, immediately feeling bad. “Sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you. It’s not your fault.”
“I’m just saying. Instead of running, fight for him. Hear him out. Get everything out in the open.”
“I miss him,” I whisper, finally allowing myself to admit it out loud.
“Honey, he misses you, too. Don’t you think you’ve avoided this long enough? Haven’t you found yourself yet?”
I laugh at her teasing tone then pause for a moment as I ponder over her question. “I think I found myself on that highway a couple of months ago.”
“What do you mean?”
I sigh, finally voicing the conclusion I’ve come to. “I’ve had nothing to do but think, and it’s given me time to put things into perspective. With our parents, who was I? I was the dutiful daughter, went the school they wanted me to go to, chose the major they wanted me to pick and the job given to me. With Benjamin, I did the same thing. Whatever he wanted. And when I left Atlanta, it was because, for the first time, I needed to discover who I was without someone dictating it. I’ve realized I didn’t need be alone to do that. I just needed to find the right person. And I did. While I was with Branson, I discovered who I was because he drew that woman out of me. Sometimes, I think Branson knows me better than I know myself.”
She sighs. “Oh, Ari. You’ve always been that woman. She was just buried way too deep. He was able to break through all the bullshit everyone else piled on top of you.”
I sniff, wishing I’d come to these conclusions days ago. “I know. And the first time we had a fight? What did I do? I reverted back to my old self and just took it. I should’ve yelled at him. I should’ve screamed. Instead, I just accepted it and left. I’ve had time to realize that it was wrong. This whole time, I’ve been expecting him to put his past completely behind him when I haven’t done the same. We’re both works in progress, and it just became to be too much.”
