Page 28 of Culmination
He’s leaning against the wall, his shoulders slumped in defeat. The sadness radiating off him breaks my heart, even if he’d done the same to me before. So I can’t help myself. Upon crossing the room, I stand directly in front of him and stare up into his eyes. The scent of him is so different from Rafe, yet it’s comforting all the same. It’s just so…him.
“You may have loved me, Adrian. I…I believe you did, in the only way you knew how. But your love came at a price. My freedom. My identity. Your love was ownership.”
“Is that really so bad?”
Is it? Was it?
“I want you to know… After everything that’s happened—the lies, the mistruths, the deception—you were there for me when I was lonely. At my most vulnerable. I latched onto you when I needed someone most, and for that, I will always be grateful. And I won’t lie. I still care for you, Adrian. I probably always will in some way.”
Hope flickers in his breathtaking eyes and it pains me to squash it as quickly as it appeared. But I must. It’s too late for us.
Resting my hands on my belly, I continue. “But I meant what I said earlier. It was Rafe who brought me out of hibernation. He gave me the strength to move on. I’m sorry if it hurts you. I truly am. But Rafe owns my heart.”
“There’s that word:owns. How is that any different than what I gave you?”
“Because he owns my heart, Adrian,” I reiterate. “He doesn’t want to own me.”
There it is. The vital difference between these two men. The kind of love Adrian offers is possessive, selfish, controlling, and dominating, and I know there’s a woman out there who would dive headfirst into that love willingly and without question.
That woman just isn’t me.
The light in his eyes extinguishes. Not with anger. This time, it’s defeat staring back at me. “Very well.”
I blink. “That’s it?”
It’s not that I want him to fight for me, but the Adrian I know has never given up when he wants something.
He runs a hand through already ruffled hair, his Adam’s apple pronounced as he swallows hard. His jaw tightens. I hate this.
“It is in my nature to throw you over my shoulder and lock you away until I can change your mind. In fact, my mind is warring with my heart and this is the greatest struggle I’ve ever faced.” He pauses, and I hold my breath in anticipation. “However, I can see I have hurt you enough. If this is what you wish, what you want, I will not stand in your way.”
Tears spring in my eyes. This is it. This is our closure. I’ve always known I needed it, but I didn’t realize just how damn bad it would hurt.
Before I can utter a single word in response, Adrian wraps me tightly in a tender embrace, which is all too familiar. Yet it’s entirely too foreign at the same time.
His head dips and his warm breath tickles my ear as he whispers to me. “I thought our love would be beautiful. You were the light to my darkness. I fear that, without you, I will be forever empty. Lost and incomplete, yet somehow able to endure knowing you are happy. Protected. Loved, even if I can only do so from afar.” He lifts his head from its space near my neck and gives me a rueful smile. “It appears even the blackest hearts can break.”
With that, he takes a step back.
“Adrian,” I whisper, stopping up short because I have no idea how to respond.
He may believe it’s true, but I know he’s wrong. His heart isn’t black. Perhaps a bit gray, and while it pains me that I’m not the one, I know there’s a woman out there who will one day help him realize the truth.
When I’m greeted with silence, I glance up and find I’m alone.
Adrian is gone.
And for the first time since this saga began, I allow myself to experience the overwhelming grief of his loss.
Long after Adrian has left me, I’m still here in his apartment. I have no idea how long I’ve stayed in the room. I’ve slid down the wall and spent this time staring blankly, reeling from Adrian’s emotional whiplash. He was so insistent that he was devoted, that he’d do anything, but he must’ve seen the truth in my eyes when I told him we weren’t meant to be. He might have tried—and perhaps with good intentions—to turn me against Rafe. It didn’t matter. While I feel for Adrian, my heart belongs to another.
So why does my heart hurt so immensely? It’s as if a piece of me has been ripped away, and knowing I’ll never get it back, I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again.
“Hey.”
The greeting comes out of nowhere and my shoulders jump. My pulse races, and then it calms when I see Rafe standing in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest. His expression is unreadable as he crosses the room, and I wonder how long he’s been watching me.
“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you found me so easily,” I say wryly, accepting his extended hand so he can help me to my feet.
