Page 4 of Culmination
I stroll through the cemetery, surveying each of the various headstones as I pass them. My mind wanders, reading each name and date. What were their stories? Who are the loved ones who bring fresh flowers, grieving and paying respects?
Is it therapeutic to come to this place where our loved ones are buried in boxes, nothing but decaying matter and dusty bones? Or are we torturing ourselves with these kinds of rituals? And how long are we, those filled with despair, meant to continue such a morose tradition? My thoughts turn macabre.
Do I need the glaring tombstone with the names of my parents as finite proof that they’re gone? Will it really dull the pain? Or will it be the opposite? Will being here give me a sense of peace? They may be nothing but ashes and dust, but wherever they are, I can have faith they’re together. And maybe, just maybe, as their final resting place, it’s also a place where they can return, if only in spirit.
I’m completely unprepared when I’m finally standing before their tombstones. My breath catches and my eyes burn with tears that spill like buckets, hitting my cheeks, stinging and relentless. Tiny pinpricks of pain swiftly turn into javelin thrusts, running me dead on in the center of my heart. The intensity of the pain has my knees buckling, which transports me back to the day they were buried here. It was the worst day of my life—second only to when I discovered their bodies.
And Adrian had been watching me the whole time.
I shudder at the thought and force all memory of him from my mind. This is neither the time nor the place.
Still, I can’t help but wonder. Why me? Why them?
I kneel on the grass between their stones and fold my legs beneath me, tracing both of their names. Andrew and Olivia Latham. Loving Husband, Loving Father. Loving Wife, Loving Mother.
Yes, I firmly believe that my parents are together, somewhere out there, and just like that song from my favorite childhood movie about a lost mouse, one day, we’ll find each other again. Maybe not in this life, but in the next. Until then, I’m at peace knowing they’re not alone; and hopefully, wherever they are, they’ll know the same of me.
“I don’t know where to start,” I say, feeling a bit silly talking to the chilly air. My voice trembles, and tears still stream down my cheeks, cold and wet, but I push through the pain. “I miss you both. On the best days, it hurts to smile, only just a little, but on the worst days, it’s excruciating. Nearly unbearable. I have no idea how I’ve gotten through the past few years without you.”
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know it’s a lie. I know exactly how I’ve coped.
First with Adrian, and then with Rafe. They’re how I’ve gotten through. And I realize, as much as I want to despise the memory of Adrian, I owe him a great deal. Because even if he had his ulterior motives, whatever they might have been, I genuinely believe deep down he cared for me. In whatever way he could. And even if I’m just fooling myself, if he didn’t have any emotional attachment to me, he at least gave me the illusion of it. The illusion that, in my darkest time, I was no longer alone was a blessing.
Or, at least, it had been for a while. Until it turned into a curse.
“So much has happened and I can’t even make sense of most of it.” I pause then suck in a deep breath before exhaling. “I…I met a man. It’s been a crazy whirlwind, but I love him. It turns out you even know him, Daddy. Small world, huh?”
I laugh softly through the relentless tears. “Rafe’s keeping the promise he made you. He’s kept me safe, and I’ve never felt more cherished or loved in my life. In fact, he saved my life. He saved me.”
Vivid white and pink lilies on my mother’s grave catch my eye, and for a brief moment, I wonder who placed them there. The starbursts on the petals made the flowers Mom’s favorite, and they were mine, as well. Who else would’ve known that? I push the thought out of my mind for the moment, instead focusing on my parents—or what’s left of them on this Earth.
“I wish you could have met him, Mom. I know you’d love him. He’s everything you ever wanted for me. Loving, protective, and he puts me above everything else. In his arms, I know I’m safe. Secure. Loved.”
I take a deep breath, unsure of how to go on. It’s silly, my hesitation to announce the news. It’s not like I’m sixteen years old and admitting a mistake. Yet, still, it feels strange, telling my parents when I know they’ll never have the chance to meet their grandchild. I can barely suppress the sob that bubbles up at the reminder. At the utter travesty that my child will never know its grandparents.
“God, I wish you both were here. I need you now more than ever. It was unexpected and definitely not planned, but I’m pregnant. We’re expecting, and the only way I could be happier is if the two of you were here to experience this with me.”
The words catch in my throat, so I take a moment to compose myself, staring at the headstones, willing them to talk back—wishing I could hear their voices again. But that’s the thing about wishes, right?
They very rarely come true.
And that handsome knight in shining armor? He may just be hiding the devil under all that metal and chain.
As if on cue, the sound of my cell phone ringing breaks me from my contemplation. It’s muffled from its place in the depths of my purse, but it’s unmistakable and does just the trick to keep my thoughts from sinking into an even darker place.
I quickly wipe my eyes with the base of my thumb. Then I dig through the contents to grab my phone. Although I’m too late to answer, I’m relieved to see that it was Rafe whose called I missed.
As much as I don’t want to leave this place, I know that Rafe and I have a long road ahead of us. A lot of work to do, and I’m anxious to return to him. To be back in his arms, where he can right all the wrongs. Where he can soothe my pain and breathe life back into me. If I can’t be with my parents, Rafe is the only one with whom I want to be. I vow, here and now, to do everything in my power to make our relationship work, because I’ll be damned if I should ever have to lose him, too.
I lean forward and place my hands on the tombstones, closing my eyes and silently telling them goodbye. Then I promise that it won’t be so long between visits next time. At least, I hope it won’t.
And when I turn around, I gasp in horror, quickly rising from the grass and searching for anything, anyone who can help me.
But it’s no use. We’re entirely alone in this eerie place.
Nothing and no one can save me now.
Even though I set my jaw in defiance, terror flows through me, from head to toe, as I look into the narrowed eyes of the man who did this to me. Of the man who’d intended for me to join my parents on the other side. Of the man who now has the opportunity to finish what he started.
