Page 60 of Waiting for the Rancher
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Hazel trudged after Sterling, not caring where they were going.
The morning was bright, the sunshine warm, and the snow was mostly melted. The grass and shrubs were turning green, and she’d even spotted a wildflower or two.
Ordinarily, she would have been delighted by the blossoming spring, but she hadn’t wanted to go anywhere or do anything. The melancholy had been so heavy that she hadn’t been able to shake it all week.
Of course, that day Sterling had come into her bedroom, she’d finally gotten out of bed and started helping in the livestock barn. But her heart hadn’t been in her work. All she longed for and all she thought about was Maverick—even though she tried not to.
Earlier this morning Sterling had insisted she ride with him and some of the other ranch hands to look for a few strays. She hadn’t wanted to go, but he’d pestered her until she’d agreed to it.
She wasn’t sure what had happened over the past week since she’d ridden Maverick’s horse so bravely the day he’d been in his accident, but somehow she’d lost all her courage, and she hadn’t been able to mount.
Sterling had been understanding and had asked her to go with him anyway, assuring her that they’d stick to the foothills closer to the ranch.
The hike through the rugged wilderness had only reminded her all the more of Maverick and the day they’d been looking for Candy.
Now, as she and Sterling climbed up a trail, she paused, the sadness slowing her steps. “I think I’m ready to turn back, Sterling.”
Leading his mount ahead of her, he halted.
She tried to offer him a smile but knew it was weak. “I’m sorry I haven’t been much help to you this morning.”
He shrugged. “Thought being out here might cheer you up.”
“Thank you for trying.” But nothing would cheer her. Not when her life spread out so bleakly without Maverick in it. She hadn’t realized until she’d been away from him how much she needed him—his grins, his charm, his teasing, his compliments. She missed their conversations, listening to his ideas and him asking for her input.
He was the nourishment for her soul, and without him, she was slowly shriveling up inside, the life ebbing from her.
Was this what it was like for Mrs. Oakley without her husband? Without his love and adoration, maybe Mrs. Oakley was shriveling up inside too.
Whatever the case, Hazel couldn’t deny her need for Maverick.
Had she been too rash in stopping her work for the Oakleys? When she’d been going every day, at least she’d been able to see Maverick. That had been better than this, where he was completely cut out of her life and she had no contact with him at all.
But could she be satisfied with just seeing him and working with him and being friends without their relationship moving into anything more? She hadn’t thought so the day that he’d left the Noble Ranch. She’d wanted everything with him or nothing.
But what if she had to be okay with their relationship where it was instead of pushing him for more than he was ready to give? Could she do that?
Yes, she could. She was growing desperate enough that maybe she’d keep walking right over to High C Ranch and tell Maverick that she wanted her job back. Yes, she loved her job and missed it too. But she missed him more. He meant more to her than the mares and foals and anything else.
“Will you do me a favor before we head back?” Sterling swept his gaze over the hilly terrain, his keen eyes missing nothing as he searched for the strays.
“Course.”
“If you check the rest of the way up this trail, I’ll check down in that ravine.” He cocked his head to the nearby shrubs and the rocky slant of a slope.
She hesitated. “You’ll be careful?” After Maverick’s fall, she’d taken extra caution today to stay clear of any dangerous areas.
Sterling was already shifting his mount around. “I’ll be fine. You be careful too.”
As he passed by, she halted him with a touch to his arm. “I’m sorry for not getting back on the horse.”
His eyes gentled. “I understand, Hazel. Some hurts never really heal.”
Was that true of her? Would she never find healing from her fears? She’d thought she was heading in the right direction, but maybe she was too far off course to have any hope.
“I’ll never heal from what happened to me either.” Sterling’s tone turned sad. “Won’t ever love another woman as long as I live.”
