Page 56 of Push & Pull
“Thought you stopped smoking.”
“I did. Doesn’t mean I don’t want cigarettes to barter, though.” Nicolette’s anxious fingers drummed against the bare table. Petra couldn’t help but notice the new finger tattoos that had appeared since she last saw her mother.VIXENwasn’t exactly the word Petra would use to describe her mother. “What brings you here, huh? When they came and got me, I thought I had done something wrong again. Telling me that my daughter was here to see me. Huh! Go figure.”
“I’m driving up to New York from Miami. You know how it is. Work.”
Nicolette grunted. “Michail got you running, huh?”
This time it was Petra’s turn to glance at the guard pretending to not listen in on every conversation.We’re being recorded, too.This wasn’t exactly something Petra wanted to talk about in the present company. Hell, she didn’t want to talk about her “work” in the privacy of her mother’s own home.
“I’m supposed to meet someone in New York tomorrow. That’s not why I’m dropping by, though.”
“Hm?”
“I mean… I was in the area. You’re my mom. Felt weird to keep driving by.”
“Aw, ain’t you a sweet one? I can’t wait to tell my bunkmates that my daughter actually comes by to visit me unliketheirs.”
“Your sarcasm is duly noted.”
“Don’t be like that. Any chance to get away from the daily grind around here is welcomed.” Nicolette opened her arms as if she were inviting Petra into a hug. Instead, she garnered the interest of the guard standing not so far away.Sudden movements are great in a prison, Mom.
“I also brought you pads, so there’s that.”
“Ha! Menopause hasn’t hit me yet. If only your good-for-nothing dad could see me now.”
They lapsed into silence. The awkward kind that attempted to put Petra in her place.I never know what to say to her.Petra almost always regretted coming to the prison to say hello to her own mother. It didn’t matter which prison Nicolette was in. This was only the second one Petra had known of, but there had been another before she was born. Nicolette was almost more at home in jail than in any apartment they shared in Chicago.
“How are things with you?” Nicolette asked out of the blue. “Taking care of yourself? Seeing anyone special? Tell me you’ve got a respectable job. You’re too old to be doing Michail’s bullshit.”
“The whole reason he got his hands on me is because you went to jail.”
“Better to be with family than with some strangers.”
“I liked the Whitakers. Got to live in Forest Glen, like you always bragged about wanting.”
“Family’s still family.”
“It’s funny, I never heard of Uncle Michail until the social workers showed up one day. You never once talked about him when I was a kid.”
Nicolette looked away, arms braced across her chest. As her cheeks puffed out and her knee bumped against the bottom of the table, she said, “You think he was a man worth talking about to a child?”
“Still weird you never let slip you had a brother. Your stories of childhood always made it sound like it was you and grandma.”A long tradition of single motherhood. Something I intend to not continue.That buck stopped at Petra’s uterus.
“He wasn’t really in the picture. Lived with his dad. We had different moms.”
Petra didn’t like that answer either, but what could she do? Her mother kept secrets about some things and blurted out all the others. Including allusions that her daughter ran for Uncle Michail. Right there in front of the guards!If she thinks we’re going to live here together after I get arrested for soliciting, petty thievery, and prostitution, she’s got another think coming.That wasn’t Petra’s preferred way of spending quality time with her estranged mother.
“How old are you again?” Nicolette asked out of the blue. “Twenty-one?”
Petra scoffed. “I’ve been twenty-six for a good clip.”
“Really?Damn, I’ve been in here a long time. That’s how you know I’m your mother, I guess. You’re still a teenager in my brain.” Nicolette shook her head, sucking in her cheeks and swallowing the spit in her mouth. “Damn.Damn.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve been away a long time.”
“Still… shit, girl. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time, but it was never a good moment, you know? Plus, I eventually told myself that I would wait until you were a grown adult. When you could handle it better.”
Petra glanced up from the fingernails she studied. For every nail that was slightly longer than another, she thought about whipping out the clippers she had to leave behind at check-in. “What’s that now?”
