Page 59 of Push & Pull
Did they think she couldn’t possibly be upset enough to throw it all away?
I wasn’t throwing it away, though. Not on purpose…
She downed the lump in her throat as she shut down her cheap laptop and unplugged it from the wall. Her coffee was almost cold by the time she packed up everything and stepped outside to wait for the Volvo.
Too much of her looked forward to Petra’s reassuring presence.
What am I even doing with her?How long would this distraction truly last? What was that Petra mentioned last night? Moving to New England to start a new life beyond her own family?Did she mean to be close to me?They weren’t a couple. They had barely known each other for half a week. The things that connected them were sex and a mutual friend that probably wasn’t good for either Petra or Simone. It was all a righteous mess.
Simone saw the twinkles of self-destruction in every interaction. Twinkles that would blind Petra if she didn’t close her eyes quickly enough.
Anyone who touches me, or comes near me, ends up feeling it.Whatitwas could change with the year. Sometimes it was Simone’s mood. Other times it was the habits she picked up out of spite. Today?My anger toward everything.Sure, Simone kept it under ice for long periods, but when that anger cracked through to the surface? There was a reason her assistants didn’t last long around her. Even the ones who liked how she spoiled them both in and out of the bedroom.
When I’m the one who wants spoiling…
That’s what made Petra both addictive and dangerous. Because Simone knew addiction. She was drawn to danger. Petra offered a toxic cocktail that Simone could quaff in two seconds.
Did she know it, though?
Simone couldn’t idly stand outside the coffee shop. She walked across the street, laptop bag tucked beneath her arm as she bought her favorite cigarettes and stepped outside to light up. The scent of rain was heavy in the air, but at that point, she was content to get wet if it meant the heavens were washing away her sins.
She knew the Volvo had arrived when a tire splashed against the curb.
“Hey!” Petra’s head hung out the driver’s seat, her hand motioning toward Simone’s cigarette. “You read my mind! Gimme one!”
Simone indulged in one last drag that was meant to put her nerves asunder. Yet when she faced reality again, this time with a cigarette disappearing beneath her shoe, she saw the ferocity behind Petra’s darkened eyes. The nerves immediately returned.
“You smoking in the car?” Simone asked as she leaned against the roof of the Volvo and offered Petra her choice of cigarettes from the pack.
“No. Even if it wasn’t a rental.” Petra helped herself to a cigarette and placed it in her front pocket. “Get your cute butt in here, though. I’ll have it down the road. I wanna blow this town.”
“Sounds good.” Simone rounded the front bumper, checking traffic in both directions before opening the passenger side door and slipping into her seat. Exchanging the rumble of the city for whatever rock music blasted from the stereo didn’t bother Simone. She was still living in her head, where Astrid’s choice of words unraveled everything Simone had pushed aside in her head – and heart.
“Next stop is New York City.” Petra fiddled with her phone, bringing up the route on Google Maps. “You reserved us a room, right?”
“Yes. Two nights. I sent you the info earlier.”
“Ugh. This thing says that with traffic it might take up to three hours. Here’s hoping some yahoo doesn’t crash his car and block three lanes of traffic.”
Simone pulled out another cigarette and left it unlit in her mouth. “I’ll quit these things one day.”
The car had pulled back into traffic. Petra donned her sunglasses even though the day was as dreary as the one Elizabeth told her daughter about the cancer diagnosis that would change their lives.
“They are absolutely terrible for you.” Petra also stuck her cigarette in her mouth. “Tell yourself you look really cool, though. Like James Dean.”
Simone entertained that idea for two seconds before falling into a fit of giggles that dropped the cigarette from her mouth. She wished she could say she felt better afterward. Instead, her laughing turned into half-hearted crying as they prepared to merge onto the freeway onramp.
Petra turned up the music. Simone was far from offended.
Chapter 21
Themoodinthecar wasn’t what Petra had hoped for after leaving the women’s prison.Not that I see Simone Evans as a bastion of positivity and hopeful optimism.Except Petra had been looking forward to picking her up in the Philadelphia suburbs and getting the hell out of Pennsylvania.I don’t care if it means crossing over into Jersey.There were far worse states in the country than what New Jersey’s bad rap implied.
Yet Simone’s closed-off silence ate away at Petra as if they had been fighting. For every moment she wondered if she had done something wrong the night before, she recalled how girlishly content Simone had been that morning when they awoke and decided to spend an extra half hour in bed together. Petra had spent her time scrolling through her phone while Simone curled up against her and dozed. It wasn’t until she clutched the T-shirt Petra had put on before going to sleep that the phone touched the nightstand and the two of them embraced in the contemplative silence of the historical hotel room.
Something had happened while Petra was subjecting herself to her mother’s mind games.Great. So we’re both upset about something.No wonder they were clutching their unlit cigarettes and waiting for the perfect opportunity to smoke them.
There was a rest stop two miles up the freeway. Although Petra dreaded having to get back on the road with traffic thickening the closer they got to New York, she pulled off at the exit and waited for Simone to say something.
