Page 60 of Push & Pull
Silence. Besides the music crackling over the radio, anyway.
Petra drove past the restrooms, the way guides, and the picnic tables with wastebaskets to pick a parking spot way down at the semi-truck turnaround. The asphalt was empty aside from the large water puddles that only got worse as the rain began to pound the Volvo like Petra had pounded a certain someone the night before.
You’d never guess now!That was the countenance of a woman who had never felt such isolating loneliness in her life.
Petra left the car running, although she turned down the radio and adjusted the heating. After holding her unlit cigarette up, she said, “I could step out and smoke this now, but it’s wetter than Lake Michigan out there.” Nevertheless, she liked the soothing sounds of large raindrops crashing against the roof of the car and sliding down the cloudy windshield. With the heat on and the seat gently vibrating, it was… cozy.
Unlike the negative energy hanging between her and Simone.
“How was your visit with your mother?” Simone asked, head turned toward her window. “I never asked.”
“To be fair, I never offered the information.”
The pause pulsing between them was pregnant enough to give birth.
“It was about what I expected.” Petra lifted her sunglasses up her head and leaned back against her seat. “My mom’s not the best, so I kept the visit short.”
“At least…” Simone shook her head and kept that thought to herself.
“Hm? At least I have a mother?”
“I know not everyone has a good mother.”
“Yeah, well…” Petra released a rib-shaking sigh from her lungs. “Way I figure it, lots of mothers do their best with what they have. Sometimes that results in great childhoods, other times things are dysfunctional. Then there’s my mom. I ended up in foster care for a reason.”
She’d be damned if she went into all of the details right now.I don’t know her well enough to talk about it.This was Petra, though. She didn’t know anyone well enough to talk about her mother’s crimes and how they resulted in Petra getting by the way she did. Even friends like Hailey didn’t know the whole truth, nor had she ever cared to ask.She sure as hell doesn’t know how I get my uncle’s money.Granted, she wasn’t in a relationship with Hailey. Except Petra hadn’treallybeen in a relationship with anyone for as long as she could remember. If she were honest with herself, then Simone was the closest thing to agirlfriendshe had experienced in a long time.
She still wouldn’t tell Simone shit.
“I’m sorry your visit sucked.” Simone pulled her sweater closer over her chest.I know that move.It wasn’t cold in the car. Simone wanted to shield herself from the world. “I got an email that was worded really weird. From my stepmother. It threw me into a bit of a spiral.”
“I was wondering what was up.”
“You could tell?”
“Sweetheart,” Petra said with a smile-filled scoff, “you don’t exactly hide your emotions. You basically wear them on your sleeve. I could tell from the moment I picked you up that you were in a moment. Now I know why.”
“Yeah. I’m not good at hiding what I’m feeling. Same could be said for changing my outlook on things. These past two hours have been me letting that woman live rent-free in my head as I overthinkeverything.”
“What did she say?”
Raindrops continued to speckle against the car. Simone touched her forehead to the nearest window and gazed at the condensation her nostrils created with every breath. “I’m supposed to have a meeting with her on Friday when I’m finally back home. That’s not the problem. I stop by at least once a quarter to keep up with how the family business is doing. When I had assistants, I used to send them to get everything in my stead. Facing what’s happened to my house since my stepmother moved in… it used to be a lot harder for me.”
“Did she totally renovate everything? Install carpet over the original hardwoods?”
Petra didn’t make jokes at Simone’s expense. What she really wanted was to make that poor girl smile again.She has a really pretty smile.And a prettier laugh when she allowed herself to feel something that wasn’t negative.
Petra knew both things well. Like she knew why Simone wasn’t laughing.
“It’s different. I don’t walk in there and feel like I’ve come home. My father’s essence barely exists anymore, and my mother’s has been long gone. There was a painting of her that used to hang up in the front hallway. My father’s pride and joy that he had done for her on their twentieth anniversary. I don’t know when Astrid had it taken down and moved elsewhere. All I know is that I didn’t handle it well.”
“I could see it going both ways.” Petra’s fingers tapped the bottom of her dormant steering wheel. “It must have felt like she was removing your mother from her own home. On the other hand, it couldn’t have been easy for her to see the first wife hanging where everyone could see her.” Petra glanced in Simone’s cold direction. “I have a feeling that anything she does is a bother.”
“Your feelings would be correct. We’ll never be friends. We’ll sure as hell never be like mother and daughter. For one thing, she’s only a few years older than me. It’s like my father moved in my estranged cousin. Then he fucked off to the afterlife, too.”
“I’m sorry.” Petra lowered her fidgeting hand to the space between her and Simone. Among the cans of energy drinks and half-empty iced tea bottle, that hand went unnoticed. Petra immediately regretted offering it to someone who barely knew she was there.
She plucked her empty cans and tossed them into a paper bag in the backseat.
