Page 61 of Push & Pull
“Why are you still on this trip with me?” she asked after unbuckling her seatbelt. “You could have left at any time. Plenty of opportunities for you to make your own way. You could have been home by now.”
“I don’t know,” was all Simone said at first. She sprawled her fingers out before her and picked at one of her cuticles. “Guess I don’t have anything else to do with my life right now. Ask my stepmother. She said we should discuss returning from my sabbatical, assuming I’m at a place in myjourneywhere I can.”
Petra scrunched her nose. “Journey?Wow.”
“Right? The woman knows I’ve been getting my shit together since coming out of rehab for the final time. I don’t think she believes me when I say itisthe final time. I’m tired of being trapped between what people want me to be and who I think I am. That goes for my relationships, too.”
“Because most of the girls you date want something very different from you?”
Simone’s chin pointed toward her lap. “I might have told you about that, but even if I hadn’t, it freaks me out how easily you guess things.”“Maybe that’s one of the reasons you’re still hanging out with me. I figure out what’s going on so you don’t have to say it.”
“It might not be one of the only reasons, no.”
“Okay, so the sex with a relative stranger is pretty baller, too.”
“Yes.” Simone still wasn’t looking in Petra’s direction, as if she had something to hide. “Something I should not be doing while I get my life back on track.”
“Is there something wrong with getting it on with someone whom you’re mutually attracted to? Because I don’t have a problem with what we’ve been doing.” If anything, Petra was already loathed to admit it might be over soon, regardless of her own plans for the future.
Simone’s hands slid along her jeans while her shoulders lifted toward her ears. “Not in theory, but you’ve also probably figured out that I’m not exactly good at separating my fantasies from real life. I’m going to spend the rest of my life in therapy wondering why I like to be called a slut in bed.”
“Therapy’s great for some things, but I don’t know why you gotta talk aboutthatwith a shrink. Unpack what the death of your parents has done to you, sure, but who cares if you get off on some roleplay in the sack? Shouldn’t you be with someone who likes it?”
“It’s not exactly a good way to find a partner. The few times I’ve found women who like being on the other side of my fetishes aren’t exactly all there themselves. Or they want to take it way farther, and I’m not into being someone’s submissive pet. Especially if calling itthat.”
Petra opened her arms as if Simone had forgotten she was there. “I may not be a jet setter who knows the difference between a Zeta Nu and a Delta Alpha Gamma, but I like to think I’ve got control of things in the bedroom. You want me to call you a dirty slut while you’re coming, fuck it, I’m in! Haven’t you noticed I’m into it? Trust me, it has nothing to do with wanting to put you in your place. I haven’t even thought about those things since we first hooked up. Or, you know, every night we’ve done it. Don’t know about you, but I’m having a great time.”
“Yeah.” Simone was still as fragile as an aged weed about to be blown over in a breeze. “Me, too.”
“Do you have to sound like that’s the worst thing in the world?”
Finally, after five minutes of conversation, Simone spared Petra a single glance – one filled with so much self-loathing that it took Petra’s own self-worth to not immediately take Simone’s hand and tell her to tuck that damn chin up again. “I barely know you.”
Why did that choked whisper strike Petra where it hurt most? “You may not know my middle name or how I make my living, but you know I’m not a threat to you, right? You know that I’m clean. I’m not gonna lure you into bad habits that could get you in big trouble, or heaven forbid, kill you. I like having a good time. I like having friends around. I also like having a girlfriend who reminds me of what it means to be… fuck it. Alive!”
Petra realized what was out of her mouth when it was too late to stop it.
“We’re not girlfriends,” Simone pointed out.
“Yeah, well, we’re something. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be doing this right now.”
Petra pointed to their conjoined hands on the central panel. For the past two minutes, their fingers had been interlocked as if this were a normal date in the world of Simone Evans and Petra Kallis.
Except there was nothing normal about their relationship thus far.
Simone didn’t fight it. Nor did Petra attempt to unlink their hands.Why would I?Simone’s soft hand was satisfying to hold in the front seat of the car.Bigger than mine, too.Because everything of Simone’s was bigger than Petra’s.Bigger stature, bigger chest, bigger thighs, bigger appetites…
Petra still had the bigger mouth. That would probably never change.
“Thanks for putting up with me this past week,” Simone said. “You didn’t have to.”
“Don’t put yourself down like that. You’re not someone anyone has to ‘put up’ with. Furthermore, I told Hailey I would help you out, and that’s what I did. Is it my fault I didn’t know this was going to lead to… whatever this is?”
She motioned to the hands they held. Only then did Simone’s grip falter.
“Know what I really want right now?” Simone asked. “Another cigarette.”
The rain was still torrential as it fell straight down to the car. “Don’t think you’re getting one right now,” Petra said. “Know what I want?”
