Chapter 5
IAN
Where the fuck am I, and why do I feel like I’ve been slammed by an armored truck?
My eyes refuse to open. Beeps and hums surround me, but they don’t make any sense. What’s beeping? The fuck is that humming? Why does it smell like sterile ass?
Fuck me. My senses are coming back, and I hate myself for every single one.
My mouth tastes like ass. Everything sounds like ass. I feel like a giant ass. I’m afraid to open my eyes and see some large, pimply, wrinkled ass hovering over my face – that’s how good this day is.
The last thing I remember is partying with the Isoyas. How long ago was that? What did I drink to give me a hangover like this? I’ve drunk some pretty hinky Japanese shit before, but I’ve never been out like this. Is it my age? Kathryn is always going on about how she can’t drink like she used to now. Maybe that’s finally catching up with me too.
Fuck! Kathryn! I’m supposed to meet her for lunch. Where is she? Fuck it, where the hell am I?
People are speaking in Japanese. At first I think it’s a TV.
I no longer think it’s a TV.
A man and a woman. The woman is deferential to the man, who grunts here and there while making more of those beeping noises appear. Slowly,slowlymy ears begin to focus. Bright lights everywhere. My toes struggle to wiggle. Something I do rouses the attention of the man and the woman, who begin to talk excitedly with every movement I make.
It’s not until I start passing out again that I realize I am in a hospital. Fuck my life.