Page 89 of Empowered
Sarah looked into the woman’s crazed face before Nigel managed to lock the door in front of her. Words that Sarah dare not try to remember echoed through the door.What a nasty person…So happened that nasty person thoughtshewas the nasty one.
“Don’t listen to that tosh.” Elizabeth directed her daughter toward the living room, where Carly still sat on the couch, speechless. “What a loon.”
Sarah sat in the large chair by the TV. Elizabeth patted her shoulder and went into the kitchen to get more tea, the one thing she assured was the best medicine on the planet. Nigel stayed by the front door in case that woman returned or brought some friends with her.She won’t. She came here in a crazy moment of passion.Once the woman realized what she had done, she would skedaddle, hopefully before the police arrived.
Sarah didn’t want her going to jail, even if she had hit someone.
“I’m sorry,” Carly said from the couch.
“I’m fine.” Sarah rubbed the tender spot where the woman had slapped her. “Been through worse.” She got up and went back to her room before anyone else could fuss over her. She never saw the police – only heard her brother dismissing them when they arrived.Thank you.He knew she didn’t want to speak with them about something like that.
She was right, wasn’t she?Sarah sat on the edge of her bed, staring at her pointed toes.I probably did sleep with her husband.
When Sarah gave over to her persona, all she cared about was making new friends. Sexually, of course, but it was easier to think of them as “new friends.” Angel didn’t ask personal questions. For fuck’s sake, she didn’t remember most of the names of the men she hooked up over the past several months. Once Sarah was involved, she stopped caring about anything other than having a decent time.
Still… that meant she was complicit, didn’t it? Those wives and girlfriends didn’t give a fuck if Sarah didn’t know about her partners’ married life. All they saw was the siren who lured their darlings away with her magical, sex-craved pussy. How many divorces had that sex tape initiated?
To think, I had been so angry at Lucas when I thought he was married and screwing around on the side. I’m a hypocrite.
She picked up her phone for the first time in hours.
“THE PSYCHOLOGY OF A WANTON WOMAN.”
She put her phone down again.
Something was lodged deep in her throat. She couldn’t breathe.
That wasn’t an angel dwelling inside of her. That was a demon hellbent on ruining everyone’s lives – including Sarah’s, apparently.
***
Another sleepless night claimed her. For two nights in a row, she didn’t sleep.
Too bad for Elizabeth, who insisted on sleeping with her daughter during her stay. That meant Mrs. Clayborn didn’t get much sleep either, for her daughter tossed and turned for half the night before finally getting up and sprawling across the couch, hoping late night movies would put her to sleep.
Her mind was consumed with toxic thoughts.
You’re a disgusting whore. You’re nothing but trouble. How many fucking people have you slept with since that moment? What did you think it was going to do? Heal you? Make you feel stronger? More empowered? Put the choices in your hands! Ha! Yeah, fucking right. You’re a slut looking for excuses to ruin lives. Where’s your accountability, huh? Where was it back then?
Where was it… back then?
It was while looking at the back of the couch, curled up in the fetal position with a thin blanket draped across her, that Sarah finally cracked.
This was the thought she had when Angel was born. Her nights playing Angel were supposed to save her from these awful thoughts.
You’re the reason your baby died.
Wasn’t she, though? Sarah had a bad feeling when she went to see Russell that fateful night. Hadn’t she told him about the baby the last time they met? Why would he invite her over to a previously nondisclosed location for a celebration… so late at night?
Sarah knew he wasn’t a kind man. He was a deliberate man, though. Russell Monroe didn’t waste a single thought or motion on anything – or anyone – that didn’t matter. He would never flippantly invite Sarah over unless he had a plan. Usually, that plan was getting into her pants.I thought we would celebrate the old fashioned way.
Maybe some form of fate was at play. Perhaps karma watched over her that night, waiting for her choice that would decide the rest of her doomed fate. Was it the moment she accepted an alcoholic drink even though she was pregnant?I wasn’t thinking. I was still getting used to not being allowed to do things. I had only recently decided to go through with the pregnancy… I completely spaced it until it was too late.She shivered beneath her blanket, remembering how relaxed she had been when she took that first sip, Russell Monroe sitting across from her with that satisfied grin on his wrinkled face.
Sarah thought it was because he was proud to be having another child. The man was obsessed with his legacy and his genepool. Even if he wouldn’t marry Sarah or acknowledge the child legally, wouldn’t he at least be proud that he had managed to “do that?”
I should have known. I should have fucking known!
At around three in the morning, she began to cry into the back of her couch, her muffled sobs so wet and demanding that she once again couldn’t breathe.
