Page 23 of Never Have We Ever
Chapter 7
With a baby on her hip and a five-year-old nipping at her heels, Valeska entered the Parisian townhouse to find a stack of mail in the foyer. What a time for Lena to be sick with pneumonia.
“Go upstairs and wash up.” Valeska pushed her feet out of her shoes and motioned for her daughter to do the same. “You need to change before you can go to granddame’s.”
“No.”
Valeskashot Daniela a heated glare. “Now. I’m not going to tell you again.”
Something had happened since Valeska’s near-death experience giving birth to her son. Either she grew a stronger spine with her other child, or Daniela matured enough to realize her mother was someone to keep happy. Regardless, it didn’t take much to get the little girl to obey her mother these days. She would always have thatrebellious streak, but if Valeska gritted her teeth or narrowed her eyes enough, Daniela would eventually go do what she was told to do.
Small favors. Because even though Daniela was now in French kindergarten, Valeska’s day was primarily dedicated to taking care of her one-year-old, her home, and her body. In that order.
Daniela would be fine upstairs by herself, assuming she actually washedup and changed.Too bad Lena’s not here to make sure she does it.Or the girl’s father, for that matter. But André was in Stockholm. The third time that year.
Valeska couldn’t remember what was so important about Stockholm. She didn’t give a shit anymore. Since Thomas’s birth, the marriage had crumbled in all but name. Having André around was only a dire reminder of everything that had crashedand burned between Valeska’s overactive imagination and the repercussions of her son’s birth.
It’s all my fault.
She coddled her son in front of the downstairs mirror. His soft brown hair and big, dark eyes were almost more Reiter than Valeska’s genes, but that wasn’t why she felt so close to the little boy who was still too young to talk or walk more than a few wobbly steps.He’s such a goodlittle boy. It’s like he feels guilty for his birth.That was absurd, of course. Thomas couldn’t possibly understand, and Valeska would never bring it up even when he grew old enough to comprehend how his mother almost died in the maternity ward. Yet their mother-child bond was so strong that Valeska swore she sensed that apology every time she changed her son’s diaper.
His chubby face frownedat her in the mirror. It was almost worth ruining her marriage to have him.
Oh, André loved Thomas as much as he loved Daniela, of course. He was a good father – when he was home. Yet Thomas’s birth had wrecked such havoc on Valeska that it was months before she had her strength back. By then, her doctors and female family members encouraged her to go to plastic surgeons to repair what had beenleft behind in the wake of Thomas Dubois’ birth. Valeska endured the weeks’ worth of consecutive surgeries in the hopes they would make her feel better when she saw her naked body in the mirror or shower. They had, a little. She was no longer too self-conscious to change in front of people. Including her husband, who claimed he could see no difference now.
Even so, she refused to let him touchher. They hadn’t had intercourse since her last pregnancy, even though her doctors told her everything was as functional as ever. She even went so far as to have a tubal ligation to prevent possibly fatal pregnancies in the future. So at least some part of her assumed she would have sex again.
But every time André kissed her so hard that her nipples became erect and her thighs tingled, she panicked.It wasn’t a fear of pregnancy. It wasn’t PTSD related to her traumatic labor. It was anxiety that her husband would be disgusted with her.
She couldn’t bear him rejecting her, so she rejected him instead.
“It’s time for your nap, little bug.” Thomas was already falling asleep on his mother’s shoulder by the time she reached the staircase, the stack of mail in her hand. “I think it’s time formine too.” A nap with her son sounded wonderful… but first, this mail.
Doctor’s bills, election announcements, a postcard from Hailey on her second honeymoon in the Cayman Islands… and the thousandth letter from her husband, this one with a stylish Swedish stamp in the corner.
Sighing, Valeska briefly read her sister’s postcard – complete with a report that this would be the conception of herfifth child, so help herGott –and put her son down in his crib at the foot of the master bed. Phantom pain spread through her abdomen. The only reason she called itphantomeven though it felt so real was because her doctors swore she had no reason to feel pain after so long. What did doctors know?
Well, they probably knew more about her body than she knew French. Valeska had stopped goingto her weekly French lessons after Thomas’s birth. Didn’t matter, anyway. She knew enough to get by when out shopping or conversing with her husband’s family, but she had long given up reaching any decent level of natural speaking. Or reading comprehension, for that matter. Which was why she glanced over her husband’s two-page letter and didn’t understand a line of it. She didn’t care anymore.
His handwriting is different, though…The distinctive flourishes of her husband’s cursive handwriting were replaced with stilted print. Frustration reverberated through every word.Telling me off, I guess.Valeska flipped it over and looked for the few English sentences he now threw on the end of every letter.
“Stockholm is very lovely right now, but I miss Paris. I miss my family. This lettermay reach you when I am only a day away, but know that I look forward to seeing you, Daniela, and Thomas as soon as possible. If Daniela has behaved, I think we should go to Disneyland. How does that sound?”
Sounded exhausting. They were definitely not taking Thomas, or at least not until Lena had recovered enough to go and take care of him.
Valeska folded up the letter and turned over. Downstairs,the housekeeper admitted Madame Dubois, come to take her granddaughter out for shopping and tea. The woman’s pretty voice echoed up the stairs, and the thunderous sounds of Daniela’s footsteps ran to meet her.
“Au revoir, mama!”
Valeska raised her hand and waved her daughter off. Sleep was quickly overcoming her.
Too bad her phone rang. And too bad she had kept the damn thing too close toher head when she collapsed onto the bed. There was no avoiding that raucous sound threatening to wake up her son as well.
“Ja?”
It was André, calling to tell her that he would be home a day early due to a canceled meeting.
“I got your letter just now.” Valeska struggled to keep her eyes opened. “Daniela has been very good this time. We should go to Disneyland.”
