Page 35 of Now & Forever
***
As much as James yearned to see his son, he was relieved that Cassandra didn’t have time to get Patrick ready for a brief excursion into the city. She arrived at the lounge five minutes later than James had asked to see her, apologies spilling from her lips.
“No need to apologize.” He remained seated while the lounge host pulled out a chair for Cassandra. When she sat, her bag strap slipped off her shoulder and plummeted into her lap. Her penchant for form-fitting yet conservative dresses reminded James of women like Monica Warren and Kathryn Alison, two very well-to-do ladies who exuded the type of class and sophistication the social elite commended. Too bad Cassandra had lost her chance at that level of notoriety. She was always the type to be moreinfamousthan anything else.
Cassandra shook her head, the rose-shaped barrette in her black hair coming loose. She didn’t seem to notice it. “I swear I started getting ready the moment you asked me to meet you. But my mother caught me on the way out the door, and…” she stopped. “You don’t want to hear my excuses. I’m sure you’d much rather talk about Patrick.”
“He was on my mind, yes.” James fingered the top of his glass, in which his favorite brand of whisky – on the rocks, of course – settled. He had ordered it because he figured he might need a little liquid courage to get through this meeting, but found that he wasn’t that interested in imbibing so early in the day.I’ll have drinks with the guys later… is this really what I want to be doing right now?Yes. No. Maybe?
“You’ll be relieved to know that he’s back to his old self already. The doctor says he’s not contagious or anything.” Cassandra ordered a cosmopolitan from the waitress approaching their corner table. As soon as the soft words were off her lips, the waitress exited the small chamber, pulling back a curtain behind her. James had taken extra precautions to make sure nobody knew they were meeting. Not because he was ashamed of being seen with his old friend and the mother of his child, but because the rumor mill was always experiencing a high season.I don’t need the whole world gabbing that I’m leaving Gwen. Again.
“I am relieved to hear that he’s doing better.” James met her lingering gaze and looked away. “I was worried about him. So was Gwen.”
Cassandra’s shoulders stiffened at the sound of Gwen’s name. “How is she doing?”
Angry. Annoyed. Closed off and wanting nothing to do with me this week.Gwen had been worse than usual after the excursion to the hospital. James had no idea what happened, but he figured Sarah Welsh had something to do with it.
But that wasn’t why he had asked to see Cassandra that early afternoon.
“She’s doing well. I believe she’s at the gym right now.” Gwen lived at the gym three days a week. She claimed it was the best way to do something productive and healthy while hanging out with friends and having a social life. Most of her friendships in higher society had originated at the exclusive downtown gym.I can’t complain. She stays super fit, and I reap those benefits.“But, you know, she’s had a rougher year than most.”
Cassandra’s lips pursed. Did she know what James meant without needing him to explain it? “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Are you?”
The sense of betrayal was instantaneous on Cassandra’s face. The waitress saved her any extra embarrassment by showing up with that cosmopolitan.
“Of course I’m saddened to hear that your partner is having such a hard time.” Cassandra lowered her voice. Rarely did she sound so… rigid.Not sure I’m a fan. Then again, I probably brought this out of her.“I never meant for Gwen to go through so much. I didn’t think…”
Yes, yes, she hadn’t thought. Somehow, that didn’t surprise James. Everything, from going behind James’s back to have his child, to magically deciding to include him in his son’s life, was devoid of any real thought process. James had made more thoughtful decisions when he was drunk off his ass in college. As far as he knew, though, none of his piss-poor decisions ruined anyone’s life.
There was a thought.HadGwen’s life been ruined?
Only then did James realize that silence had come to their intimate table. This wasn’t what he had wanted. When he texted Cassandra half an hour ago, it was to clear the air and maybe get back on track as tentative friends instead of estranged co-parents.
“I’m sorry.” James didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Certainly not for thinking of Gwen during a meeting like this. “We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot here.”
“Have we? All I did was ask about Gwen. Your partner. I would assume that was a safe if not polite thing to ask about.”
How many people did Cassandra act this way around? James would have found it delightful a few years ago.Thiswas the woman he remembered from his adolescence. Cassandra’s sense of humor was usually much more restrained than James’s, but she wasn’t opposed to leaving a caustic remark here and there. James liked to think it was her uptight upbringing that made her more prone to calculated zingers instead of the slapstick jokes he loved the most.
“I suppose Gwen is a bit of a soft spot right now.”
“I’m sorry to heart that.” Cassandra cut him off before he could open his mouth again. “But if you asked me here solely to make me uncomfortable, I’m afraid you’ve wasted your time. I’ve run out of the ability to feel any level of discomfort.”
James cleared his throat. “I promise, that wasn’t my intention.”
Sighing, Cassandra said, “I don’t know how many times I can apologize, James. What’s done is done. Do I regret the birth of my child? Never. I could never regret the act of bringing him into this world. What I do regret, however, is how it came about. I’m not ashamed to have used the methods I did, but how it involved you? I’m sorry. I’ll always be sorry about that.”
“You knew what you were doing.”
“I did, to an extent.” Cassandra shrugged. The barrette in her hair slid further down one of her long, curly locks. “My mother made the suggestion. I talked to your father about it. They assured me that you were on board.”
The corners of James’s mouth twitched. “You never once thought to askmeabout it? You made me a father without my consent. It would’ve been one thing if we ever…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. Mostly, he didn’t want to spur on any fantasies Cassandra may have still harbored. “There’s always a risk when you’re intimate with someone. Butwehad no risk, Cassie. We were never more than friends.”
Her crestfallen countenance was the type of look that had seduced half the men in the city.But not me. I was always in the other half.“I know that, thank you. I didn’t… deep down, I think I knew that you had no knowledge of what our families arranged. Besides, you had your life with Gwen, and I didn’t want to disturb that. I had the worst kind of tunnel vision.”
“Babies?”
