Page 37 of Now & Forever
“Of course I mean that. I want nothing but happiness for you and Gwen.”
Do you really mean that?Cassandra always had a mote of jealousy in her eye when she spoke of or heard Gwen’s name. James supposed that was to be expected, since Gwen was the woman he fell in love with and not Cassandra. That would either mean a tenuous respect between both women, or chaos.Look at my own parents. They say everything I need to know.
“Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.” James had been thinking it for a while, but didn’t dare bring it up with anyone but Cassandra. “A part of me has always wanted to be a father, but I know that Gwen isn’t on the same train as me. I had made peace with it if it meant being with her, but…”
Cassandra was rapt with attention.
“Things happen.” That’s all James would say on that matter for now.
He tried not to think about it, though. He worried that Cassandra may read the expressions on his face or see the scars on his heart.Being with Gwen meant giving up fatherhood, unless we took alternative measures.That meant Gwen had to be on board with it. Something she always flip-flopped on, stating that it didn’t matter if she couldn’t have kids.
Now James was a father. Gwen never had to worry about the pressure to give him children, whether she wanted them or not. How James’s son came to be wasn’t ideal, but like Cassandra said, he was here now. Time to man up and be a father, even if James wasn’t prepared.
But Gwen hasn’t taken to being a stepmother very well…
“Maybe this won’t be so bad.” That’s what James kept telling himself. Now he merely vocalized it to the mother of his only child, a woman he never thought about marrying in a million years, let alone dating on an intimate enough level to create a child. “Maybe there is a God, and He’s facilitating our fates because He’s got nothing better to do. Everything happens for a reason, right?”
James got up. Cassandra remained seated. The strange look she gave him suggested that she had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
“Your barrette is…” James hesitated before outstretching his hand and unclipping the barrette from Cassandra’s hair. She sat back in slight surprise as the rose dropped into her palm. James’s hand was slow in its return to his side. “Sorry. Watched it fall out of your hair ever since you sat down.”
Cassandra closed her hand over the barrette. “Thank you. Would’ve hated to lose it.”
“Well, I…” Something choke him. The truth. A bitter, strange truth he had yet to share with anyone outside of his relationship. His parents didn’t know. His best friend didn’t know. Hell, James only thought about it once or twice a year when it became legally pertinent to discuss with the accountant and his own partner. “Actually, there’s something you should know.”
Maybe telling Cassandra was the right step toward getting help with his relationship. James could take Gwen to a couple’s counselor five times a week and get nowhere. Or he could go to the woman he trusted with the upbringing of his son. All he needed was the reassurance that she wouldn’t tell a soul.
“Pinky swear, Cassie.” He held out his left pinky. “Like when we were kids. You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.”
She lifted her hand and hooked her finger around his. “Pinky promise.” A little grin crossed her face. “If I never told anyone about the time you urinated yourself when we were nine, I won’t tell anyone this.”
I had completely forgotten about that. Thanks, Cass.“It has to do with Gwen.” James sat back down. He would be late to his fraternity meetup, but this was more important. He could talk to his old frat brothers anytime. An opportunity to open himself up to someone only came once or twice a year. “It’s why I will do anything to stay with her and make her happy.”
Cassandra rubbed her finger against her lips, eyes narrowing in anticipation. “Go on.”
James ordered another drink and a snack to go with it before daring to dive into that deep and dark rabbit hole.
