Page 38 of Now & Forever
Chapter 9
Gwen
“Heard you had lunch with Cassandra recently.”
Gwen continued to pick at her dinner while James dropped his napkin. He bent down to pick it up and toss it into the dirty linen basket in the center of the dining table.I bet his mother is appalled we have a dirty napkin basket right on our dinner table.When it was only the two of them eating at that table, what did it matter? Gwen’s family would throw those things right in the trash behind the table!
“First of all,” James said with a soft, even tone, “it wasn’t lunch. We had drinks at one of the lounges. Privately.” He spared his partner a stern look. “Where did you hear that? I had hoped nobody spied on us for the whole ten minutes we talked.”
“Oh, calm down.” Gwen picked up her wineglass, expertly paired with the roasted rosemary chicken and potatoes on her plate. “I know you’re not wooing her.”
“Wooing? God, you’re turning into my mother.”
James sniped a piece of chicken off his fork before letting it clatter to his plate. A fresh napkin touched his lips. Gwen caught herself staring at the flick of his tongue against his stubble. A tiny piece of rosemary lingered at the corner of his mouth. She took another drink.
“I heard it from Charlotte, who heard it from her mother, who heard it from Francesca Blake, who was at the lounge with her old-crone girlfriends talking about who Hyacinth Winchester will pick to inherit her vast fortunes when she eventually chokes.”
“It’s going to be Michael Winchester,” James said with certainty. “Boy’s been groomed since he was old enough to toddle.” He grabbed his wineglass and washed down his potatoes. His lackadaisical way of leaning back in his hand carved chair wearing a tight green T-shirt and freshly pressed gray sweatpants was going to destroy Gwen. She had been ovulating for the past two days, and every time she looked at her partner, she swore she was about to explode.
Too bad they had both been in a mood. When the chance came to have sex, one or both of them were either too tired or too put out to do anything about it.
“So, what were you and Cassandra talking about?”
“Our son, of course.”
Gwen continued to stare at her plate, glass of wine in her hand.Ourson, he had said. Once the shock of fatherhood had died down, James was quick to embrace his new role as a father. Sometimes, Gwen worried, he was too quick.I knew he wanted kids, and yet I got mixed up in a relationship with him.Was it because Gwen never thought it would last this long?
It’s not that I hate the idea of having kids…Preferably kids that had already been born, though. Gwen had a lifelong fear of pregnancy and childbirth due to watching her aunt almost die with every child she had. Didn’t help that one of the more traumatic childbirths happened in Gwen’s living room when she was old enough to “help out” during the emergency.Sometimes I still see all that blood and thegutsand it’s a miracle I don’t wretch.Of course, it hadn’t been real guts. But child-Gwen had no idea what else it could have been. Far as she was concerned, her aunt had been cut open and left to rot in a kiddie pool.
Aunt Rachel was still alive today, and had another kid after that, but some images could not be erased from impressionable minds.
“I take it Patrick’s on the mend,” Gwen said, desperate to stop thinking of afterbirth and raw umbilical cords.Gag. Why am I eating chicken?It was kinda the same color…
“He’s doing well. I’m supposed to go see him tomorrow.” James tapped his fingers against his glass before looking up at his partner. “Do you want to go with me?”
She didn’t hesitate. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
James drummed his knuckles on the table before getting up without another word.
Gwen tossed her napkin down with a sigh. When the chef popped out from the kitchen to see how dinner went over, she thanked him for another wonderful meal and asked that James’s leftovers be saved for breakfast.
She wasn’t in a hurry to chase James down. He was either in the den or in his office. Based on his mood, Gwen guessed he went to play video games and take his mind off real life.Me. Take his mind off me.
She should have gone in there and talked things out. She should have laid out her worries, her concerns, her love for him and what it would mean to change half of what they had ever known. She should have done a lot of things. Then again, so should have James.
Gwen wanted to talk. There were a million issues on her mind. Most of all, what the concept of “family” meant to them going forward.
But she had put up this front for so long that it seemed impossible to simply approach her partner and be heard. James would listen, of course. He’d make sure every word was processed in his brain, and every emotion his partner felt kept close to his heart. Then he would rebuttal with his own concerns and how they included Gwen. That was almost as hard to bear as the worries in Gwen’s own heart.
There’s a wall between us. Something needs to tear it down.
Two hours later, Gwen pulled herself away from the downstairs television and decided it was time to get ready for bed. Odds were good that James was already in bed or sharing the same thoughts. Indeed, Gwen stepped into the master chambers to the sound of running water in the bathroom. Steam filtered through the door, left ajar.
At least he was busy. Gwen could grab her toothbrush without saying a word.
She did not expect to walk into the bathroom to the sight of her partner indulging in certain activities in the shower.
All right, so she should have expected it. Chances weren’t that bad, especially if they hadn’t had sex already that day. (James clearly did not think he was getting any that night.) Gwen also had sex on the brain.
