Page 55 of Now & Forever
“Fuck…” Gwen wiped a tear from her eye before doubling over into a mess of sobs.
James wrapped both arms around her, bringing her closer to his chest and blowing a breath of assurance over her ear. Once upon a time, that would have been enough to soothe her soul.It was the only thing that brought me a little calm when my father was sick.Gwen had been a daddy’s girl. Almost losing her father to a heart attack had made her comatose for more than a few days. How could one woman hold so much grief for a man who hadn’t actuallydied?
Was that why she cried now? Grief?
I’m acting like I lost a baby or something…The life event that could have either permanently split them apart or made them stronger together. If something like that happened, Gwen didn’t doubt that she and James would be inseparable. And, she knew, she would be the one to get over it first. James would be devastated. Because he was the man who would have loved children, even if he told her he didn’t need them to be happy with her.
God. That killed her more than anything.
“They’re right!” She pulled herself from his hold and sprinted halfway across the room. Where was she going?Nowhere.Not in that direction. A large window. Curtains rustling in the breeze that came through a slit in the bottom pane. An antique lamp that was sometimes the only thing on when they made love in the middle of the night. Almost a decade’s worth of love, and they were still sometimes too shy to have sex in a brightly lit room. “I don’t fit into your family, James. That’s the issue here. I don’t fit into yourfamily.You and I may be great when we’re alone, but when you combine those people… did you know that our parents have never met before? My mom is always asking when we’re going to have Thanksgiving or Christmas with the Meranges. What if she finds out we’re married, and they still don’t know my in-laws? The only reason I haven’t tried to set something up is because of your father! I couldn’t bear it if he insulted my parents to their faces.”
“You know I’ve offered to have my mother at least meet them…”
That would only work because your mother doesn’t have the spine to insult them.Gwen wasn’t delusional. Ophelia was so coddled in her lifestyle that lower middle-class people like the Mitchells would have made her clutch her vintage pearls. All it would take was Gwen’s father belching at the dinner table or her mother asking what department store the crystal came from. Ophelia may not say anything, but Gwen knew that woman well enough by now to read the shock and appellation on a parasol-shielded countenance.
Besides, who was she kidding? Sarah Welsh would probably introduce herself as James’s mother before Ophelia had the chance.
It was bad enough her parents knew about Patrick. They hadn’t been able to hide that after the scandal hit the press. Gwen’s mother was still convinced that James had cheated. She couldn’t wrap her mind around a whole family conspiring to steal a man’s sperm.
“Your family is toxic, James. They’ve been poisoning us for years. Yes, even your mother.” Gwen grabbed a tissue from the vanity and wiped her face. She didn’t bother to blow her nose. More snot was coming, anyway. “Until a year ago, she kept pressing me about kids. You know how she is. She would never outright say,‘Where are my grandbabies, you slut?’Her MO is to be sooo passive-aggressive that I choke.” Gwen would never forget the day, three years ago, when Ophelia invited her tea at the Merange’s estate and grilled her about her familial potential. That was before Gwen had a firm diagnosis. To think, a woman could be so comfortable in her infertility, yet all it took was one asinine comment…
Gwen wished that James hadn’t stood up.
“I’m never going to give you children.” Gwen held her hand around her throat. Was she choking? “Honestly? I never wanted to. Maybe if it were an accident… but you know I’m not the type to stop taking my birth control and hope my disorders let me get pregnant.” She also didn’t want to start all those blasted treatments for the slim chance. What kind of life was that? Maybe some women were game to play Russian Roulette, but Gwen didn’t have thedriveand desire. She’d rather spend her years cuddling up next to James and living every moment as it came.Why would I put myself through that if it wasn’t what I even wanted?
“That’sfine,Gwen!” James held his hands out to her. Helpless. Lost. He didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know what to do for her. Gwen hated seeing him like this. “I’ve told you! Even before we found out about… anything… I told you I didn’t care if we didn’t have kids! Not like it’s some brand-new trend! Plenty of other people will have plenty of kids to populate this planet!”
“I don’t care about other people.” Gwen couldn’t believe she was sharing this. “I care that the choice was ripped from my life. First I don’t even get to choose whether or not I have kids… and then…” She swallowed. “Oh, look, another woman had your baby anyway.”
James shook his head. “I knew this started around that time, Gwenny, but… I had no say in that, either.”
“No. But your family saw something they wanted, and they got it. What else will they do? How will they continue to break us apart? How will they keep pushing me aside until I no longer exist in your life? I need to leave now. If I do, then I have a chance at taking charge of at least one thing in my life with you.”
He didn’t say anything. At first, Gwen assumed she had left him flummoxed. For once, the chatty James Merange had no words.
There was a little power for her in that situation. Not enough, but a little.
No. James hadn’t been left speechless. He knew exactly what to say, and Gwen saw it when he bridged the small gap between them in their bedroom.The place we’ve called ours for so long. The place I think of as my home. With you, James.Here came the tears again.
“You still think of it as your life with me.” James gently placed both hands on her shoulders. “Do youreallywant to leave, Gwen? Is that what you want? Because if that’s what youreallywant, I’ll let you go. I won’t stop you from doing what you need to do. But if you give me even the slightest hint that you’re not interested in leaving, I will fight for you until the day I die. I honest to God do not believe that we’ll be happier apart than we are together, even with all the crap my family puts us through.”
Gwen’s lip trembled. That was all the answer he needed to come over and embrace her.
“I love you, Gwenny.” James buried his face in the crook of her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on for her life. “I know it’s been hard. A lot has happened since we met, let alone in the past year. But itwillget better. My family knows that you’re my wife now. They can’t take what we have away from us. Now, and forever.”
“But…”
“No buts, Gwen.” He stroked her hair before pulling it to the side and grazing his nose against the back of her neck. The scintillating sensation made her hold herself closer to him. Her lover. Her protector.
Her husband.
“I love you. You’re the only woman I’ve everloved,and if I lost you, there could never be another woman in my heart again. I know this. You know this. Even if I married someone else in the far-off future, it wouldn’t be real love.”
She snorted. “You’re such a romantic.”
“Admit it. It’s why you fell in love with me.”
No… I fell in love with you for so many other reasons.“I love you, James.”
