Page 56 of Now & Forever
“Then don’t leave me. Not when we know it will destroy us.”
“I just…” Gwen still couldn’t believe that this would work. Even if they packed their bags and moved to Nepal, the Meranges would continue getting their way back home.It would be like admitting defeat. A consolation prize.Gwen wanted to live her life the way she deserved. Openly. Firmly. Without prejudice, toward herself and from others. “You’ve got this whole other life beyond me now. What do I do when you’re off being a dad? What’s going to happen if they do it again? What if I…” Gwen swallowed, her hands gently pushing her away from her husband. “What if I want to become a part of the bigger picture one day, and I’m shut out? Do I become the ghost-wife floating in the background? WhoamI to that little boy?” The kid didn’t know how good he had it right now. He had no idea what his family had done. One day, when he was old enough to understand, he’d be appalled. Patrick may not be Gwen’s son, but she’d be damned if he didn’t have the right support network to weather that clusterfuck. Losing that support might mean he turned out even worse than the family members tearing him down for their own gain. One good dad wasn’t enough to counteract the diabolical grandparents and a mother who was as spineless as Ophelia.
“Gwen… the only person keeping you away from Patrick isyou.” James cupped her chin with his fingers and offered her a kiss. She wasn’t yet ready to take it. “I’ve hoped for a long time now that you would be more than my wife. If I had a child out there, I hoped you would be his mother too.”
“But Cassandra is his…”
“She and I have talked countless times about this. She agrees that there is no issue with you being Patrick’s active stepmother, if that’s what you want. Or you could be his second mother. It’s up toyou,and whatever relationship you form with him. You can be as much of a parent as you want.”
Gwen looked away. Her hands wrung together. “I don’t know if I could do that. There’s so many damnedfeelingswith him…”
“I’ve always wanted you to take your time with him. I know it’s been a shock. God knows I do, Gwen. Like that, I was a dad, and I had no say in it. But that means you saw me become a dad when we had just married. You had me all to yourself, then you didn’t.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “You stole that from the therapist, didn’t you?”
James matched her smile, yet he said, “Maybe we should go back to the counselor. With a new attitude. A new united front. I admit, the thought of tackling this by ourselves is daunting.” He scratched the back of his head. “Maybe the counselor could help us figure out what to do. No shame in it, right?”
No, but Gwen hadn’t been ready the last time they went to the couple’s counselor. She had always been on the defensive. Ready to blow up if she felt even slightly… slighted. It hadn’t taken much that past year. Finding out what the Meranges and Welshes had done was like being punched in the face. It was the greatest insult. Greater than them offering her cash to leave.
“I’d be embarrassed.”
“I know.” At least he didn’t try to tell her she had no reason to be embarrassed, even if that was what he believed! James wasn’t the kind of man to convince her she didn’t feel what she genuinely experienced, though.He’s too good for me. What have I ever done to deserve a silly, great guy like him?“But it’s like anything else. Eventually, you’ll get over the embarrassment and things simply… are.”
Gwen briefly met his eyes again. “Did you feel embarrassed when you first started meeting your son?”
“Embarrassed, ashamed, angry… I can’t even explain what exactly I felt. It was like all three of those at once. But the beauty is that he’s so young right now that the only thing he understands is that I’m a man he can trust. I’m his dad. Honestly, the only reason I don’t visit him more often is because I was afraid that you resented me for it.”
“I’m also guessing the Welshes limit your contact.”
“Cassandra and I have an understanding that he is my son and I can see him whenever I want. Within reason, obviously. I prefer that arrangement to having to sue her for custody. My lawyer has assured me I have an easy case to win with all the evidence I have. Not like any of them have denied anything.”
“I still don’t know.” Gwen lowered her finger when she realized she was gnawing on her knuckle. A nervous habit she thought she kicked years ago. “I never saw myself as a mother. But after I got with you, I assumed that meant you would never be a father. How can you be a parent, but I’m not?”
“Gwenny,” James said with his replenishing reserves of reassurances, “you can literally be whatever you want. Be an only-goes-to-birthday-parties-and-graduations stepmom. Be a cool aunt. Spend time with him alone or only when I’m around. I’m not asking you to love my son. I’m asking you to support me, and to support him.”
James had touched on the last thing often keeping Gwen up at night. “But what if I do end up loving him? What if he makes me realize I want my own children?” The tears came back. “What do I do then?”
“We,Gwenny. You’re asking whatwewould do. Because the moment you want something, I’m going to make sure it happens.”
“Your son is going to be so spoiled.”
“Hey, it’s different with a kid. I think. Still sorting that one out.”
Gwen took her husband’s hands. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. Used to be that I loved not knowing what our future held. The spontaneity made me happy. Now I’m not so sure.”
“Falling in love with you was the most spontaneous thing to ever happen to me. It will be difficult for anything to top that, including having kids come at us out of nowhere.” He touched the tip of her nose. “I guarantee there will be no more surprise babies, though. Surprise pregnancies, maybe…”
“If there are surprise pregnancies, they better bemine.”
“Let me tell you how I’ve spent the past year locking down my frozen sperm.” James adopted a wistful look as he grinned at the window behind Gwen. “I’m saving it all for you. All my sperm, both new and old.”
Gwen cringed. That was the exact reaction he was looking for, wasn’t it?Never change, James.“Just keep the old sperm out of your family’s hands, thanks.”
He turned his head back toward hers and opened his arms wide. “You’re my wife. Nobody but you could ever change that. And that means you are the most important person in my world.” James’s caress preempted his kiss to her lips. “I love you, Gwenny. Be my wife, forever. We’ll make up what that means as we go along.”
“Because that’s been working so well so far,” she muttered on his lips.
“Do you love me, Gwen?”
