Page 101 of Intoxicated
Nor will any changes I make in my life eradicate the men – and women – I’ve hurt.
Maybe we are perfect for one another. Two twisted souls who have left a lot of broken hearts behind us. Here we are. Looking at our reflections and deciding if we like what we see.
This only works if we’re on the same page, though.
“What about that other guy?” Drew softly asks. There’s a slight edge of jealousy in his voice. Enough to placate my battered soul, but not so much that I become afraid. “He was pretty smitten with you. Then again, so am I.”
I’m almost lulled into a stupor from the way his knuckles graze my skin. Every part of me is waking up for the first time since we were last together. That fire spreading from my loins, to my heart, to my skin has got to be that most familiar sensation now that I’m with Drew. I know that it’s all me, but he’s the one who brings itoutof me. He awakens my deepest instincts and inspires me to be nothing more than a beast that devours his love.
This could be perfect, but I have to eschew perfection. I can’t wallow in the what-ifs of our relationship. I can only live in this moment and hope to God that we’re both strong enough to enter the next phase of our life together.
“There is no other guy,” I say. “There never was, not even before I met you.”
All those men I dated and dumped meant nothing. They weren’t learning experiences. What do I need to learn when all of my answers are right here? Because of Drew, I know who I really am. I know my true potential, both for greatness and destruction. I see the diverging road before me. One way takes me to transformation. The other leads me to ruin.
I expect Drew to counter me. Instead, he tilts my head and smothers my mouth with his.
This is it. The moment I completely surrender.
To him? To my life? The universe? I don’t care. All that exists is him and me. This is the kiss that reignites the engine. The one I’ll remember for the rest of my life. That first kiss we shared in this space a few months ago? It doesn’t mean anything anymore.Thisis the one that matters. For the first time in my life, I’m kissing a man that loves me for who I really am.
And I love him. Why is that so frightening?
Drew isn’t the kind of guy to let me wallow in my fears, however. He’ll distract me with such powerful kisses that I have no choice but to give him every ounce of attention spared in my conscious. My hands cup his face, speckled with a five-o’-clock shadow that sends chills down my arms. My chest presses into his, awake and in need of his touch. I had to go and wear a bra tonight, didn’t I? Could’ve totally gotten away without one, but noooo. I had to go and prevent my precious nipples from getting any closer to this man about to eat me whole.
I want him. Is it terrible how much I need him? I’ve always prided my independence. My inability to rely on anyone, unless there’s a financial gain in it. Even then, I’m stashing away that money for the inevitable end of our relationship. I have a certain lifestyle I want to maintain, but I also, apparently, wantlove.
Go figure.
The only time I allow his mouth away from mine is when I speak. “Make love to me,” I whisper. “I dare you.”
Drew reacts to me jumping up as if he anticipated it all along. My legs snatch around his hips. My hands latch behind his shoulder blades. He holds me by the thighs as we slowly move from the entryway of his riverside apartment to the bedroom where this all began.
The anticipation kills me. I hate that we aren’t having intercourse yet. I hate that it will soon be over, even if it goes on all night.
You only get to make love for the first time once.
