Page 46 of Intoxicated
“Uh oh.” Drew, who had been holding a plate of toast in his hand, stands up straight and looksright at the stained sheets.“What the hell happened? Are you…” We make terrifying eye contact. He’s about two seconds away from asking,“Do you need to go to the hospital?”and I’m about two seconds from running out of his apartment butt-naked. “Oh.Oh.”
There are a million things I want to say. Each one wavers between standing my ground and being a bold, confident woman… and a startled thirteen-year-old who still can’t believe this shit happens every single month. I was definitely that girl who both boasted about getting her period to her female friends while simultaneously pretending it didn’t exist around her boyfriends. What can I say? Some things are so ingrained into your little, young psyche that you grow up to be that woman who would rather die than ever admit you get a period.
Guess what comes out of my mouth. Go on. Guess.
Have you guessed? Are you ready?
Ahem.
“I didn’t… it wasn’t… it wasn’t me.”
Christ almighty! The fuck is wrong with me?
Drew looks between my giant period stain and the waffling countenance I prance about his bedroom. I’m sure he’s looking right at my bloody crotch, too. Was that toast in his hand? Because it’s on the floor now. A billion crumbs begging to be vacuumed by whomever comes by to do his cleaning. “It wasn’t you, huh? Then who did that?Me?”
He turns around, as if to look for a giant blood stain on his ass. I sigh, eyes closing and body sagging forward.
Before tears can stream from my eyes, I pick up my things and dive into the bathroom.
Lucky me, Drew has a detachable showerhead. Don’t think for two seconds I’m using it to get off, however. Not like last night, when he “surprised” me in the shower and made me fall to my knees from the judicious application of water spray to my fucking pussy. (If I thought that was the last orgasm I was getting from him last night, I was wrong. As soon as I announced I was clean, he showed me he had gotten hard again. Not ashamed to admit I thoroughly enjoyed one last pounding from behind, complete with another need to shower.)
That ain’t cum I’m washing off my thighs, though. That’s the result of me effectively using birth control and avoiding what cum can do to a poor girl.
“Oh myGoddd,” I whine, scrubbing my thighs and crotch as if I can single-handedly get rid of all the blood that usually takes four days to leave my system. I’m not sure if those are tears in my eyes or the steam playing tricks on them. I don’t care. I’m miserable either way.
Trust me, the last thing I want to do is leave this bathroom. Yet I’m trapped. If I don’t leave now, at some point, Drew is breaking down that door and confronting me about ruining his sheets. Besides, this is aguywe’re talking about here. How many men have you dated who knew how to handle something like this? We women barely know how to deal! If I were home alone right now, I’d wash the crap out of my sheets and spray down my mattress while cursing myself for all the extra work. But I would suffer in silence, grateful that no one else was around to behold the mess my insides made.
“Heeeeey.” That’s Drew knocking at the door. I’ve long since shut off the shower and now hang my head in shame while sitting on the toilet. “Got a fresh T-shirt for you here. Want me to make you some toast?”
I peer through my fingers, as if he’s standing before me. “Leave me alone,” I moan.
“Alrighty.”
That’s all he says. I can only guess that he’s gone. I pick up the T-shirt I had been wearing, but notice it was long enough to be stained as well. Great. This T-shirt doesn’t look sentimental in the least, but hot damn, I shouldn’t be getting period blood all over the shirt of the guy who was hired to…
No. Wait.
This is brilliant!
What better way to get back at the bastard than by rolling my Aunt Flo all over his expensive bed sheets? Yes, yes, this is perfect. Ha, ha! Suck it, Drew. You’ll have to buy a new mattress if you ever want to sleep in your bedroom again. Cher Lieberman was here, and she left behind a biological hazard to change your life.
That’s what I think to puff myself up. Naked aside from my underwear, I throw open the bathroom door and march out, nearly tripping over the fresh T-shirt he left in front of the door.
I snatch it up. Might as well wear something so he doesn’t get a free show as I walk around his bedroom.
Drew isn’t looking in my direction, though. He’s busy ripping the sheets off his bed and leaving them in a pile on the floor. His own T-shirt, that he’s put on since I first saw him a hot minute ago, is baggy enough that it flutters with every strenuous movements. He doesn’t see me as he whistles some God-awful tune. Nor does he further embarrass me by spraying deodorizer. If I weren’t here at all, I doubt he’d be acting any differently.
Suffice to say, I don’t know how to take this.
I’m not saying I’ve never dated a guy who wouldn’t act nonchalant about me bleeding all over his bed. For all I know, I have. My most long-term boyfriends didn’t get to know a damn thing about my monthly visitor. Because telling your rich boyfriend,“By the way, sweetie, no touching downstairs because of you know what,”is a great way to remind him that you’re some kind of human. You’re talking to a woman who has made a living pretending tonotbe human. I’m a manic pixie dream girl. I’m the girl-next-door you first jacked off to when you realized boners could be great. I’m the seductive porn star who will get in any position and always tell you that your cock is “too big” for little ol’ me. I’m a caricature. Whatever one you need in the moment.
I’m not sure what I am around Drew. Now that I’m no longer working him, I’m… me.
I may have a T-shirt and underwear on now, but this is the most naked I’ve ever felt in front of a guy.
“Hey.” He politely avoids eye contact as he kicks aside his dirty linens. “Everything okay? I’ve got some ibuprofen if you need any. There’s also a Rite-Aid on the corner. Need me to grab anything?”
My jaw wants to drop. Instead, I decide to test these unknown waters. “What if I told you I need a very specific kind of tampon? You’re gonna go get that for me?”
