Page 69 of Intoxicated
At least I have some old vinyl to soothe my soul.
“What do you do when a man ain’t worth it no more?”an old jazz singer croons.“What do you do when you’ve gotta kick him to the curb, but your heart ain’t in it? Oh, girl, you gone and done it now.”
I’m not a smoker, but here I am, vaping a little pot so I don’t go completely bonkers. This is whatmystash is for. Drew may use his for extracurricular fun, but I need pot to keep my head on straight when I’m mad at some fucker for being a total douchebag.
Someone buzzes my door. I’m not inclined to answer it. Probably some of the neighborhood kids playing pranks again. There’s a group of them that like to stop by my small apartment building and buzz everyone’s doors. While I don’t live in a converted Victorian, Idoenjoy an older yet updated building that has certain amenities. Like old buzzers that sound through my whole one-bedroom while I’m trying to enjoy the sunset.
It buzzes again.
Then again.
Thenmy phone buzzes.
“Come on,”Drew texts me.“I didn’t drive three and a half hours through I5 traffic for you to turn me away. I see your light on.”
Let’s get one thing sorted here, shall we? Drew has never been to my place before. The closest he’s come is where we’ve had a few dates over on 21stand 23rd. I don’t doubt that he knows where I live. It’s not like it’s difficult to find out if you’re savvy enough, and like I looked into his background, I’m sure he looked into mine! (I mean, the man was working me, after all. Hell, he still is!) So here I am, sitting here in my reading nook, staring at the sleepy residential street beneath me, expected to entertain an idiot out to ruin my life.
“Fine. I’ll be at my place on the South Waterfront if you decide you want to be an adult about this.”
I stare at his final text for two seconds before tossing my phone into a plush chair on the other side of the room. My vape is finished with a giant blow of air that can only compare to the relief you feel when a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
It’s while lying on my bed, staring at my ceilings, wondering what it’s like to be a frog – blame the pot, please – when I entertain the notion of going to see Drew one last time. Except I wouldn’t have as much rage this time. That was reserved for when I found out who he really was. Can I actually be that angry right now, when I knew this about him the whole time? Doubtful. That would be silly. I have no honor to protect. I’m really no better than him. Ah, now there’s a thought I continuously come back to these past few weeks.
I don’t bother to change out of my old T-shirt and lounge leggings when I order a Lyft to the South Waterfront. Sheesh. Doesn’t this feel awfully familiar? Seems like yesterday I rushed to this apartment to blow a hole in his dick, only to start begging for it inside of me.
Maybe the pot will relax me enough to keep the blow-up at bay. My goal isn’t to fuck him anymore. I know who the hell he is. I know what he’s capable of doing. To sleep with him now only makes me more culpable in my own demise. I suppose I deserve it, don’t I?
Is he surprised when I show up at his door? Or is he more surprised that I look likethis?Dressed like I’m not expecting to leave my house, let alone have anyone recognize me on the street. Let’s not mention the little bit of buzz in my eyes. Bloodshot, huh? Is that it? I don’t think I hadthatmuch.
Yet Drew merely walks away from his open door, silently inviting me inside.
“All right,” I huff. “I’m here. You wanna be adults? I guess I can entertain you. Since you made so much effort to rush down here.”
“Don’t make it sound like you’re doing me a favor.” Arms crossed, he leans against his island counter. That isn’t a look of lust in his eyes. Nor is that bite of his lip for my pussy. The man is thinking. Mulling over words? Deciding the best way to throw me out on my ass? I wouldn’t blame him for either, although I should be the one beating his ass with the little purse hooked over my shoulder. “So, you found out I’m still talking to your ex? How many eyes and ears do you have around here? Let alone up in Seattle?”
“Don’t change the subject.” I meant to snap that. Instead, it came out in a pathetic whisper. I need to sit down. So I pull out one of the stools by the island and help myself, elbows sagging against the marble countertops and face falling in latent disbelief. “You led me to believe that you dropped Jason and were seeing me purely because it tickled your fancy.” I don’t go beyond that. Like how he was clearly getting off on fucking a demonic princess such as myself. I was still the cool girl, after all.
Drew sighs. “I don’t recall telling you that at all. I had thought about it, yes. I honestly hadn’t thought much about him since he fell off the radar for a couple of weeks. He showed up at my office unannounced yesterday. My plan this whole time has been to drop him and give him back his money. I don’t need it. I don’t want to do this job anymore.”
Now there’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Not even a good one. Does he really think I’m going to fall for that? “I thought it was your moral mission to rid the world of heartbreaking bitches?”
“Very funny. You know it wasn’t really like that.”
“Come on, Drew. Don’t insult my intelligence. We both know what was in it for you. Hot, crazy pussy in return for some cold, hard cash. You were basically a man-ho for hire.”
“I still am, according to you.”
“Not to you?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not lying to you, Cher. I’m not playing you. I’m not taking his money. He continues to believe I am, though. He’s very determined to see you come off your pedestal. You really did a number on him. I’d think most of my clients would give up by now, if I told them I thought it was hopeless.”
“Hopeless? What’s hopeless?”
We make solid eye contact for the first time since I walked through the door. “You’ve already made me, Cher. Even if you never did,somehow,you would still be too tough of a nut to crack. I’m good, but I’m not that good. I can’t break a heart that’s unwilling to fall in love.”
“Is that what you think?” My mouth is dry. That also must be the pot. I’m not the type to wake up in the middle of the night suffering from cotton mouth. Yet why would I waste such precious saliva on him? He’s had enough of it in his mouth and on his dick already. “That I’m unwilling to fall in love? With anyone?”
“You’ve said as much yourself. You’re too independent for the coupled life. This whole time I’ve assumed we’ve been fooling around.” His arms lower from his chest, yet his hands are soon in the air. “Having some great sex before we go our separate ways. Probably when we’ve had enough of each other’s bullshit. Or you find your next mark.”
