Page 98 of Intoxicated
Slowly, she turns her whole body, eyes widening as if I have utterly offended her with my presence. “Then why are you telling me this?”
She’s not merely hurt, is she? She’s wounded.Iwounded her. Maybe not now, but I’ve at least opened the fresh mark I left inside of her a few weeks ago. That glistening in her eyes is the remnant of the tears she cried when I offended her. That clench of her hand around her compact is her withholding the urge to slap me again. Although I’ve tried to avoid angering her here, I’ve done it anyway.
“Because I had to,” I say, with a bit of a frog in my voice. “Maybe it’s selfish of me to corner you like this and say something, but I would’ve felt worse if I never apologized.”
“You think this is an apology? Or about your feelings?”
I clear my throat. This isvery muchnot going how I played it out in my head.
“I don’t think it’s about my feelings at all.” Where has my confidence gone? Oh, it’s right here in my pocket. Next to some lint and my dick. Yay. “It’s about yours.”
“Come again?” she snaps.
“Your feelings. I know that you have them.”
Ah, shit, that was a little too snarky.
“Look,” I continue, “I’m sorry. I mean that, too. I’m sorry for a lot of things. Not only what I said the last time we… yeah.” I try to be a gentleman in public. Really. “I’m sorry that I treated you like I did the whole time we were together. You’re not some anthropological specimen for me to dissect. Nor did you deserve the aggression I took out on you. You were always pretty open with me about who you were. I thought I was with you, too, but I guess… ah, never mind. You know what?” Here it comes. Words I had rehearsed, but they’re not coming out the way I rehearsed them. There’s some desperation deep down in my gut, ready to be unleashed upon the world. Uponher.“You deserve to be happy. You deserve a life that will make you content and fulfill you in every way possible. Maybe that’s with a guy who is your best match. Maybe that’s by yourself, doing your own thing and living life the way you see fit. I don’t know. How can anyone know? You deserve happiness. I’d be a bigger asshole than anyone originally thought if I begrudged you that.”
A shadow moves behind me. Here comes Brian, sensing the confusion on his date’s face as she talks to me. Or takes my weird words, I suppose. Either way, he’s here, and he’s wrapping an arm around her like they’ve been lovers for an age. “Everything okay, hon?” he asks her, both eyes always on me. I offer a reassuring smile. He is not reassured.
“Yeah…” Cher washes the bemusement from her visage and softens her gaze in my direction. “Was having a chat with someone I used to know.”
Ouch. Guess I deserve that one, though.
“Sorry for the interruption.” That one’s for Brian, who has gone from wanting to impress me in front of my father, to wondering how the hell I know his hot girlfriend. “I’m heading out. You two enjoy your night.” I stop beside Brian before I have a real chance to pass him. I can’t help myself. I’ve inherited something from my father, and it’s calledpat the bloke on the shoulder.“Good luck, man. She’s a feisty one.”
I show myself out and grab an Uber at the end of the block. My mother messages me to ask where I’m at. I tell her I’m going back to my apartment because I’m nauseated.
She doesn’t ask any questions. Yet the car ride back to my place has all sorts of things swimming in my head.
