Page 99 of Intoxicated
Chapter 33
CHER
Can we talk about what just happened?
Did Drew Benton come up andapologizeto me?
Then walked out like he owns the place and can do as he pleases?
Of course he did. Because he’s Drew Benton, and it’s in his damn blood. Ask me. I’ve learned much about his father since Brian finally got cozy with him. Fucking golf.Nonstop golf.I already knew what shit like “birdie” and “handicap” meant before, but now I’m learning lingo and buying golfing gear for the first time in seven years because Brian’s convinced this is gonna be our “thing.” Never mind this wasn’thisthing until he finally got that precious introduction at the country club.
The things I do, I swear.
Brian is flummoxed that I know Drew, although I’ve led him to think I’m not so worldly. At some point the truth would come out, though. How did I expect to hide how many people I really know in this small city? We would bump into one of my exes sooner rather than later. I simply didn’t expect Drew to be the first one.
Heapologizedto me!
He didn’t ask for my forgiveness. Didn’t ask me to get back with him. Didn’t even undress me with his eyes, the fucker. While he’s standing there looking like a billion dollars in his bespoke tuxedo, something I had never seen on him before. Mr. Trucker Hat and Flannel never wore a tux around me. Why would he? That wasn’t him.
It looked damn good on him, though. I hate him for it, because now all I can think about is the so-called whirlwind romance we experienced. The kisses that felt like atomic punches to the heart. The caresses that ingrained themselves into my carnal memory. The damnedfuckingthat gave me pleasure I had never seized before. Not like that.
I almost forget what he had said to me the last time we saw each other, but I don’t forget. It’s always right there, taunting me. It replays in my head over and over, like a movie burned into my TV. I can still see the dawning realization on his face when he came up with the preposterous idea that I might be a… a…
Maybe he didn’t mean it maliciously. Is that what I’m missing here? Was I so offended because I was used to men whowouldmean it maliciously? Because that’s the definition of most of the guys I’ve dated. Brian over here would definitely say the S word in the most derogatory way possible.
What if Drew was just dumb ashell?
Because if there’s one thing I’ve realized in turn, it’s that he’s right. I can’t deny it any longer. The biggest sexual thrill I get in life is doing what I’m not supposed to do. I’m a carnal contrarian. A woman who completely owns her body and doesn’t want any man laying claim to it. Or woman, for that matter. Who are they to say I belong to them? They don’t belong to me. Humans don’t work like that. The moment you think you own me, I’m out. This isn’t about being possessive, really. It’s about that most misunderstood aspect of monogamy.
That,“This is it. No more sexy fun, ever again. I see you in a new light, my love. We can only make sweet, sensual love from here on out. It makes the best babies, I hear.”
I work with what the world has given me, and we live in a world that says me flitting from guy to guy makes me a slut. So be it. Maybe I am a slut! Maybe I look at guys like Brian and think about all the ways I’m going to dump him when this is over. Do I do it to intentionally hurt them? Of course not. That’s an unfortunate side effect, but I can’t deny who I am or what I need from my life.
Drew was different. He was the first man to completely get me. He understood what made me tick, even if he didn’tknowhe understood me. He showed me a possible future in which I was in a happy, long-term relationship with one man who gave me the kind of love and attention I fucking want.
And he didn’t judge me for it. I only thought he did, because that same society that calls me a slut says I should be deeply ashamed by it.
What if I left too soon? What if I now regret how things ended between us?
“Hey, Cher.” Brian sits me down on a satin couch along the wall. He’s brought me water and gently taps my cheek to get my attention. I take the cup of water without much thought. What is there to think about? “You all right? What did that guy do to you, huh?”
It’s kinda cute, really. Although Brian is in the business of kissing Drew’s dad’s ass, he’s still willing to hear me out. Maybe he’s not so bad, too. I mean, is Brian my type? Hell, no, but he might make some other woman very happy soon. A woman who isn’t lying to him from the moment they meet.
Someone who isn’t me.
