Page 18 of Reckless Girls
It’s the only thought in my frantic mind as I scramble for purchase, a constant litany ofno no no NO NO NO.
My feet flail on the wet deck, desperate for something, anything to grab on to, and I clutch at the lifeline around me even as the nylon pulls through my fingers, tearing skin.
I hear a distant pop, and for a second, I think I’ve broken a small bone in my hand. It’s only when the tension around my waist gives way that I realize my line has snapped.
There’s nothing tethering me to the ship.
My hands sting, wet with seawater and blood, but I plant both palms down on the deck, trying to stop this slide into nothingness. Red streaks follow me down, and I watch almost from a distance as the water turns them pink, washes them away.
I dig my hands in harder even though there’s nothing to grip, and then my foot hits the side of the boat, hard, and then my ankle is over the side, my shin, my foot dangling over nothingness, I’m sliding…
There’s another sharp lurch, and I slip forward again.
TheSusannahrights itself just as I’m about to be tipped over into the sea, and I roll back, away from the edge, panting hard.
“Lux!” I hear Brittany shouting, and out of the corner of my eye, I see her trying to move closer.
My hands are screaming, and I think I might have broken one of my toes, but I lurch to my feet anyway, shoving her back. She stumbles into the cabin, and I shut the door, leaning against it and letting my legs give out as I slump to the deck.
In seconds, I’d gone from scared but alive, to nearly dead.
I search through the wind and rain for Nico, but he’s hidden from my view now that I’m sitting, and I wonder if he saw me nearly go over.
It’s not like he could’ve done anything. But still, it had only been Brittany’s cry I heard, not his.
THE WIND BEGINS TO DIEdown first, the rain slowing until it’s little more than a drizzle, and then it’s just… gone.
The whole storm seems to have vanished as quickly as it appeared, the sky overhead suddenly turns blue again instead of gray, and the sun beams brightly down on us. It’s over.
I’m still sitting there on the deck, sweating inside my slicker, trying to wrap my mind around how quickly things changed. At the wheel, Nico laughs, already unbuttoning his jacket. “Jesus Christ.” He scrubs a hand over his hair, sending droplets of water flying. “That was fucked up.”
It was, but Nico says it so cheerfully that I don’t think he really understands how scary it was for me, how dangerous, and I feel anger well up inside me, pressing against my breastbone, making my hands shake as I cross the small distance between us.
“We could’ve died,” I say. “I almostdiddie. Did you even see how useless this fucking thing was? I almost went over the side!”
I hold up the frayed end of my safety rope, and he frowns, taking it between his fingers. “Shit, babe,” he says, and I feel tears suddenly well up, my throat tight.
“But you’re okay, right?” he asks, looking at me with those brown eyes, and… the truth is, I am. Scared, sure, and my hands still really hurt, but he’s right. It could’ve gone really badly, but it didn’t.
Behind me, I hear Brittany and Amma making their way up on deck. I don’t want to fight in front of them, don’t want them to see me as the Shrieking and Very Uncool Girlfriend, and so I let it drop, because what else can I do? The storm has passed.
I shake my head and lean into Nico, wrapping an arm around his neck. “I’m okay,” I say firmly, and his smile returns.
Brittany throws her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “Holyshit, you were so badass!” she says, and when she pulls back, I see genuine admiration in her face.
Turning over her shoulder, she calls to Amma, “Did you see this bitch? Nearly went over the side, was all, ‘Not today, motherfucker!’ She pushed herself back on board and—”
“The boat righted itself,” I say, shaking my head. Now that the terror is fading some, it almost feels kind of silly. Only one leg really went over, and those toes I’d been sure were broken are now just sort of dully throbbing. I can wiggle them in my shoes.
Brittany turns back to me. “No, you full-on pushed yourself back on board. I’m telling you, it was awesome.” She takes my shoulders in both hands, grinning in my face. “You’re a survivor, Lux.”
“No one wants to die like that, trust me,” I say. “You would’ve done the same thing.”
Brittany shakes her head. “I don’t think so. Honestly. Some people would’ve been too scared to do anything but let go. It’s easier, you know?”
I nod because I do know, and I’m suddenly really tired, all the adrenaline draining out of me.
“Baptism by fire,” Nico adds with a grin, throwing an arm around me, and I try not to think of that moment when I was sliding and my hand was reaching for nothing, my blood streaking across theSusannah’s pristine white decks.
