Page 58 of Reckless Girls
I hear birds calling overhead, and when I look up, there are flashes of blue sky.
And then suddenly, the jungle thins, and I breathe a sigh of relief, thinking I’ve found the way to the airstrip after all.
But no. It’s just another clearing, another place where the vegetation has clearly been hacked back by human hands. And directly in front of me, there’s a building.
It’s small, barely six feet across, and made of metal that’s rusting in places. In place of a door there’s simply an empty opening, framed by crawling vines. The interior beyond is completely dark.
It must’ve belonged to the navy when they were here, probably some kind of storage shed, but I immediately think of the trap in the trees, and Robbie’s buddy, who swore someone was living on the island. The sudden shot of fear tastes acrid in my mouth, and cold sweat springs up under my arms and behind my knees.
“Hello?” I call tentatively, feeling both stupid and terrified as I do.
There’s no answer, of course, and I move a little closer, ducking my head inside the shelter.
It’s almost too dark to see anything—the thick cover of the jungle prevents most light from getting through—but there, in the corner, I can see… something.
A lump, a darker spot among the shadows. Too small to be a person. A bag maybe? Or just a bunch of debris?
I’m just about to step farther inside when there’s movement near my foot, and as I look down, something green slithers past.
Rearing back, I nearly step on the tail of the snake, shrieking in spite of myself, but it’s already disappeared under the side of the shack.
There’s no sound other than my own heart pounding in my ears. I have to get out of here.
WHENISTUMBLE BACK ONTOthe beach, it’s empty, and I see both dinghies are gone. Maybe they’ve all gone looking for me, but I don’t really care, not right now.
My legs are shaking as I pull myself aboard theSusannah, stomach in knots, and I hope against hope that Nico and Amma aren’t on board. I’m not ready to face either of them yet.
The deck is empty, thank god, and when I go below, it’s clear I’m alone. Nico and Amma must have gone off somewhere together, and that thought is both a relief and another knife to my chest as I step into the cabin.
It’s warm and damp in there, and I can’t bring myself to get anywhere near the bed. I feel like I can still smell sex and Amma’s sunscreen, and I’m afraid I’ll see her long dark hair on the pillow that used to be mine. Instead, I perch on the edge of the berth, my fingers curled around the mattress.
It’s okay, I tell myself. It’s just a few more days, and then we’ll go back to Hawaii.
But what will I do after that?
For the first time, I consider whether Nico and I could get past this. I hate how much the possibility fills me with relief, but I can’t help it—it seems so much easier that way. Like these two weeks were just some weird little blip, a dream, and if we just ignore it, we could go back to the way things were.
Except, this trip has also revealed to me thatthe way things wereinvolved Nico calling all the shots, living exactly how he wanted, while I drifted along in his currents.
I look around the tiny room. The curtain I made for our porthole is slightly crooked at the hem, cheerful yellow flowers gently staining the light that filters through the fabric. I realize how pathetic my attempts at making a life with Nico now seem. TheSusannahwas always Nico’s.Willalways be his.
I was just along for the ride.
And I’m sick of it.
I’d come back to the boat with the idea of gathering some of my things, and decamping to the beach for these last few nights. But with the dinghy gone, there’s no way to do that, so instead, I wander up to the deck again.
Nico is standing there.
He’s got his hands in his pockets, his head down. By his posture, I can tell that he knows he’s been caught, and I don’t have time to wonder how he figured it out.
“Lux—” he starts, but I cut him off.
“Don’t. Don’t do this.”
“Don’t you think we should at least talk about it?” he asks, and I feel tears sting my eyes.
“Is there anything to talk about? Really?”
