Page 17 of Euphoria
He leaned forward. “Do you?”
I shook my head no.
“I see I have offended you. You shouldn’t be offended for presuming I think you want pleasure, Jane.”
“From you?” I asked, the words slipping from my tongue before I could hold them in.
“Why not? I’m capable.”
Why not?
“You seem to doubt me, Jane.”
I turned my gaze to my hands. “I do, sir.”
“You are right to do so,” he said, turning away and forever using mystery to mask his true intent.
The fire within began to die, knowing there was little hope of the man before me quenching it.
I rose to my feet, closing off the disappointment and schooling myself into a picture of coolness. “Then I shall leave you to doubt in silence. Goodnight.”
“You are afraid of me,” he said, studying the fire instead of me.
“I’m not.”
“Then why do you leave me so abruptly?”
“It is late,” I said hastily. “And the conversation is going around in circles. I have no more desire to talk nonsense.”
“You are very controlled,” he muttered. “Your upbringing at that school has tainted you. One day, you will learn to feel true pleasure, Jane, and what a day it will be.” He waved a hand, dismissing me from his presence. “Go,et j’y tiens.”
As I left the library, the sound of those three little French words lingering in the air behind me, I took deep breaths to try to calm my quivering self. He was a complex book, and I’d only scraped the surface of the introduction. I’d better be careful lest he lead me down the rabbit hole into Wonderland.
Truthfully, I was more confused than anything.
When I finally closed myself in my room, the darkness my only friend and confidant, he still would not leave me. I was embarrassed and thrilled that his words had triggered need inside of me—a physical yearning for the harsh touch of Edward Rochester.
Closing my eyes, I allowed my fingers to trace where I wished he’d placed his own. Between my legs and within. Then I experienced a dangerous force as I came.
One day, you will learn true pleasure, Jane Doe.
