Page 36 of Euphoria

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Mr. Rochester summonedme the following evening.

After almost two weeks of being rendered invisible by his eyes, I was shocked to say the least. Then as the events of the previous afternoon swirled into the forefront of my mind once more, I began to feel ill. I was going to be cast out of Thornfield, and all because of the fickle whims of Blanche Ingram. How easily a life as little as mine could be upturned and broken.

Standing outside his study, my heart beat painfully against my rib cage, and my nerves were shattered. My fear had returned stronger than ever, and the unknown stretched before me, dark and bleak.

Knowing I couldn’t avoid his wrath, I knocked lightly on the door, my mind already pondering which direction I would turn once I reached the road in the morning. Would I go as far south as London? Or north to Scotland and Edinburgh? Or even more north to the wild solitude of the Isle of Skye?

“Enter.”

I trembled at the sound of Mr. Rochester’s voice and opened the door.

His back was to me, and the curtains were open, letting in the last of the summer sun as it disappeared over the horizon. The fading colors haloed his formidable form, and I took a deep breath before continuing.

“Sir?” I asked, stepping into the room.

“I’ve been made aware of the incident with you and Blanche,” he said directly, not turning to face me.

I closed the door behind me, and the study felt like it was shrinking in on itself.Strength, Jane.

“You have nothing to say about it?”

I remained silent, unsure how to proceed. Was I being reprimanded? I didn’t understand why he’d bothered to summon me if I wasn’t.

“Jane,” he said harshly, and this time, he turned his gaze upon me.

I faltered, beginning to feel like I’d been called to the principal’s office at Lowood and was about to be punished. His stare was guarded, but I imagined I could see a little anger in the swirls of his irises, though at whom it was directed, I couldn’t tell.

“I’m asking for your explanation,” he said, prompting me to action.

“I’m deserving of it given my birth, social status, and lack of wealth. It is the way of things.” The words ate away at my tongue like I’d dipped it in acid. I couldn’t hold his gaze, so I lowered it to the floor. “I never spoke out of turn. I took all her words as gracefully as I could.”

Once, I would’ve fought tooth and nail for my liberties, but the longer I was subjected to the presence of the rich and beautiful in this house, the more I realized my fight was futile. I would never be seen as their equal. I was smaller and more powerless than I could have ever imagined.

“Do you seek her approval?” he asked, taking a single step toward me.

I frowned at his question. I hadn’t considered looking at it that way before.

“Well?” Mr. Rochester prodded. “You are too silent for my liking, Jane. What have you done with your spirit?”

“I don’t need anyone’s approval,” I declared, returning my gaze to his.Least of all yours!I was too afraid to utter the last part.

“Then why do you care what Blanche, or any one of those people downstairs, think of you?”

“It’s the way of things,” I replied, avoiding the question.

“Why do you give in so easily?”

“Yes, their words hurt, but it’s only a temporary thing. I don’t care because it’s the way the world works. They are rich, and I am poor.” I shrugged, becoming uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. “Why should I try to be seen as anything more than their slave when they’ll be gone in a fortnight? I’ll be forgotten one minute after they drive away. I am plain, little, and poor. I know this.”

Mr. Rochester snorted. “Therein lies the world’s greatest dilemma. Class lines. Who dares cross them?” The way he proclaimed it, I wondered if it was his dilemma.

“It’s not my place to debate the way the rich live their lives. I’ve never experienced it, so I have nothing to compare it to. I’m happy with what I have. It’s when you get more than you need that the problems seem to begin.”

“So you don’t mind being treated poorly?”

“No.” It was a lie, and at its root was the man before me.