Page 40 of Euphoria
15
The next morning, I awoke in my own bed.
My skin thrummed from Edward’s touch, my thighs feeling tender. Rolling over, I slid out of bed and wandered into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Removing the battered singlet I slept in, I studied my nakedness in the mirror as the water heated. The space was usually oppressive in its smallness, but this morning, everything seemed to glow. I’d entirely forgotten about Blanche Ingram’s haughty claim over the man who’d worshiped my body and had not forced me to pleasure in return.
Edward Rochester was a gloomy sort of man, but underneath, he was a being of light. He hid as much of himself from the world as I did, and I suppose we had that in common at least. That and our bodies delighted in one another’s like none before them. My pleasure had dictated his. It was a strange concept and so were his parting words.
“Jane, you must keep this a secret.”
“This?” I’d inquired, attempting to be flippant and not at all as needy as I felt.
I remembered how his hand had felt against my cheek as we’d lingered by the study door, and I could still feel his lips against mine.
He’d said in parting, “One taste and already I thirst for more.”
I was listless as I’d gathered myself, and any word he spoke to me was taken without complaint. I didn’t like keeping our newfound status secret, but I was desperate to keep him close. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure what to label our relationship. Liaison, affair, those were all fairly accurate words if I was to be a secret.
Still, his words hinted there would be more, and I clung to the hope of feeling his touch once more. I was addicted in the best, and worst, possible way.
I was a slave to Edward Rochester.
Staring at my reflection, I ran my fingertips over my lips and studied my eyes. Then I lowered my touch to my breasts, reliving the moment he’d drawn my nipple into his mouth and bit. He’d been aroused by my body.Mine. Jane Doe was poor and little, but she didn’t feel so plain anymore.
Then as I turned away from myself and stepped under the stream of water, I decided upon something scandalous. A new leaf, a new challenge, a new chapter,a new beginning.
All my life I’d collected wounds.
I’d carried around those marks as a sign of my strength as if I’d created them myself. It was my doing, so I must bear the weight of their consequences, never to cast blame on another. But all of it was a lie I told myself to justify the person I’d become because it was easier to walk through life solitary and alone, than to make lasting connections.
Life came with all kinds of emotions…happiness, sorrow, love, anguish, loss. They worked in symbiosis with the universe. You couldn’t have light without the darkness. It was scientifically impossible. To shut out one of these celestial ingredients meant to close oneself to life’s beauty entirely.
Today would be the day I shed my skin and stepped out of the lie. Today would be the day I made peace with my wounds and wore them with pride, for they had made me who I was today.
Today would be my true beginning.
Iwalkedaround Thornfield in a haze of happiness that morning.
I was born anew, my shower time affirmation and the relief my body had sustained breathing new life into the dreary place my heart had become. Even Blanche’s withering glares as she’d passed me in the main gallery on her way to breakfast, bounced off my back leaving me unharmed.
A secret was all Edward was able to give me, and for now, it was enough. It was more than I’d ever had, so I was placated for the time being. I didn’t want to know what lay in wait beyond it, so I ignored the misgivings, which had already begun to pull at the corners of my mind.
Summer would be over soon, then he would go back to Paris, or wherever he went when he was away, and I would be alone once more. Would he still want me then? Would he go off and find someone else to replace me in my absence?
Shaking my head, I continued on my path down the lonely halls of the hotel, scolding myself for letting my thoughts turn so quickly.
Everyone was outside in the garden for lunch, so I took the time to assist housekeeping in checking on the rooms while they lay empty. Third floor, east wing, was my domain until the early afternoon, and I was content to absorb the silence while the chance was upon me. I could let my mind wander a little and daydream about the night before like a wicked lovesick mistress.
That was why I was oblivious when I was set upon. An arm wrapped around my stomach, and I was flung behind the heavy crimson curtain, which covered one set of the hall windows, and tumbled onto the cushioned seat in a heap. Righting myself, my heart beat wildly as I saw Edward kneeling before me.
A smile was on his face, asmilelike none I’d ever seen, and I marveled at the change in his features. Before I could scold him for frightening me half to death, he leaned over and caught my mouth in a blistering kiss.
We were hidden by swaths of crimson, and the window was high enough that it only revealed the blue sky beyond, though if we rose any higher, any soul who happened to glance up would see our embrace. It made our liaison even more thrilling.
“Rocky!” I exclaimed, forgetting myself as my heart began to calm.
His body was hard against mine as he chuckled. Another curiosity brought to life!
“Rocky?” he asked. “I like it when you call me sir or Edward, but Rocky shall suffice.”
