Page 66 of Euphoria
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For three days, I roamed the halls of Thornfield in silence.
I went about my duties, I gossiped with Alice, I went to dinner with the staff, and I assisted Bessie where I could. During all of these events, no one said a word about the screams in the night or the sudden departure of Mason. I didn’t see Edward either, and I began to worry.
It was foolish of me to think I should be made aware of his movements given my status and his tendency to change his mind entirely on a whim. Despite this, I still craved to be more to him than a dalliance behind closed doors.
Of course, I’d received no word on Mason’s health and no explanation of his wounds, so I became fearful of what could be lingering in the house. No one else seemed to care. The staff were as happy as they usually were, no laughter echoed at night, and all had become still. Whatever trouble had been stirred now slumbered.
I’d never let fear rule me, not even in the first days of my residence at Lowood, nor at the hands of Aunt Sarah, so I resumed the wanderings I’d taken to when I first arrived at the hotel. My master did not want me, so I would entertain myself as I’d done all my life.
Before I left my room, I’d retrieved the key from underneath my pillow, the same key I’d completely forgotten about possessing. It was my invitation to the walls upon walls of books, each one of them an escape from my chaotic life. It was time for an adventure within the pages, for fretting on things I couldn’t control would do me no good at all.
I hadn’t visited the library since before summer, and when I entered, it was dark and cold.
Crossing the room, I opened the curtains, letting in the last rays of the sunset that was flung across the sky. Tiny pinpricks of light glittered above, heralding the first stars of the night coming out to shine.
Darkness was a burden on Thornfield, but outside its walls, it was beautiful. It uncovered such spectacles that usually lay hidden under the sun’s light. A host of nocturnal creatures emerged from their burrows and nests—owls, mice, foxes, and even badgers—and then there were the stars. How they lit up the sky above in their thousands, hanging like a magical backdrop for the moon, which was but a sliver as its final quarter waned. On a clear night, it was as if one could see the entire universe stretching out across the moor.
“I see you’ve finally remembered where the library is,” said a dark voice from behind me.
Turning as Edward’s presence broke the spell nature had woven over me, I cast my gaze over him. He looked askew somehow, as if these past days had done nothing but haunt him with ferocity.
“How you love your books, Jane,” he went on.
“I have not needed to come since I received my tablet,” I replied warily. “Nor did I dare when your friends were in residence.”
“Now you dare,” he stated, watching me with stormy eyes.
I nodded, sliding my hand into my jacket pocket, my fingers tracing the outline of the key hidden within.
He stared at me with such hunger I wasn’t sure which way to turn. I was so angry with him for keeping himself closed to me, but my body was screaming to bend to his will. I was trapped by his gaze, neither able to move forward or turn tail and run.
“What do you wish to say to me, Jane?” he asked, his voice taking on a dangerous quality. “I can see it in your eyes. You think and think until you are sick, and yet you say nothing.”
I swallowed hard, knowing I wouldn’t be leaving this room until something changed. We were on the precipice of a blistering argument of the mind and body. The air had a strange charge to it, almost like we stood inside an electrified cage, and if either one of us turned away, we’d be struck down. I suppose this moment was the climax of our story, like those written in the books around us.
“Speak, Jane,” Edward commanded, his voice grating against my soul.
“You say darkness resides in you, but I cannot see it being more than a shade paler than gray,” I exclaimed. “You once called me silly because I hid. Well, you, sir, are hidden, indeed. What word is worse than silly, because you are it!”
Edward snarled, prowling forward. “Do you really wish to witness the things I desire, Jane? The things that drive me to dominate?” He grasped my arm and tugged me against his chest, his fingers biting painfully into my skin. “Do you want me to shed my final mask and show you the beast within?”
I was caught, my gaze trapped within his even as my mind screamed at me to turn away.
“It is not your desire I wish to see,” I said. “It’s your demon.”
His eyes widened, and he shook his head. “Poor little plain Jane Doe,” he muttered. “They are one and the same.”
“I don’t understand…”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he murmured, his grip loosening and his lips lowering toward mine. “You have suffered your own hardships, have you not?”
I nodded, my chest rising and falling with ragged breaths.
“And how have you overcome them?”
“By coming to terms with the fact I cannot change the past,” I replied, my strength beginning to return. “Those hurts are a part of me, but they arenot who I am. Just as they are to you, Edward.”
