Page 69 of Euphoria
All the secrets and lies, the hidden liaisons and whispers…they took their toll so completely, I snapped in two. I’d finally reached my limit, and I didn’t have the strength to continue sacrificing myself for Edward. He’d always said or done just enough to placate and keep me interested, and it wasn’t enough. I was worth more than the mistress I’d become.
And so my decision was made.
“How could I?” I cried. “I can’t trust him, and I can’t trust you! Who was I to think that a nobody like me would be more than a glorified whore to him! Poor little plain Jane Doe!” Passion overcame me, and I threw the tablet against the wall, tears beginning to fall. There was a sharp crack as the screen shattered and a loud crash as it fell to the floor.
Alice stared at me, open mouthed with shock, but I couldn’t bear the weight of her gaze. Spinning on my heel, I strode from the office, and once I entered the main gallery, I broke into a run. I pushed against the great oak door and burst out into the lingering summer sunshine, then I ran.
“Jane, come back!”
Alice’s voice echoed after me, but I didn’t slow my frantic pace. I kept on the path, threading my way across the grounds and into the forest. I didn’t know where I was going, but I had to get as far away from Thornfield as I could manage.
The ground was hard underfoot as my boots crunched on gravel, pounded on earth, and kicked through leaf litter. The sun hid itself above the trees of the forest, cooling my skin, but I wasn’t done walking. This place held just as many memories as the house behind me.
Breaking through to the other side, I came upon a low bluestone fence. It was in disrepair with pieces having fallen off creating an uneven surface. It was easy to scale, and I dropped down to the other side, my boots making divots in the soft earth.
Standing there, I surveyed the land before me. The moor stretched ahead, the land rocky and wild, shrubbery, heather, and grass growing close to the ground, beaten back by the force of the wind. I was sure there was a metaphor for my current dilemma within its craggy surface, but I wasn’t inclined to think upon it further. My heart ached, and here, within the untamed wildness of nature, things had the simplicity I craved.
There were no secrets or mysteries, no carefully spoken words or whispers. No, out here, a rock was a rock. The wind was the wind. A bird was a bird. A mouse was a mouse. There was nothing complicated about the harmony of nature. Everything had its place, and no piece of the picture before me was confused as to the part it played.
Marching forward, I set out across the moor, wishing I were a bird so I could fly far, far away. I scrambled over rock, slid down embankments, wove a wild path, and finally, I stilled, collapsing on a high rock. It was warm from the sun, and I placed my palms on the rough surface, allowing the heat to seep into my flesh.
My throat burned with restrained tears, and even though no one was around to see them fall, I kept a tight hold over them. Never would I shed a tear over Edward Rochester! How could I miss that which I’d never known?
Behind me, Thornfield was a blight on the countryside, and I knew no matter how far I walked across the moor, I’d see its black smudge there to guide me. Ahead, I knew there was human life someplace, but the moor was vast, so I couldn’t see anything but gray rock, the earthy greens of grass and bushes, and the purple smudge of heather. My trifles of the heart seemed small compared to the space laid bare before me.
“Jane!”
A cool wind stirred, causing strands of hair to flicker across my face. My braid loosened in my flight, and now it was as wild as the land around me. The land that was casting whispers like a lost spirit was haunting my sanctuary.
“Jane!”
I turned at the sound of my name, which came louder this time, and my body trembled as it recognized the tone and desperation that lingered within its tenor.
Edward.
I saw him then, a dark smudge working his way through the rock, and when he saw me atop my perch, he hurried forward.
He’d come after me. Was there no escape?
