Page 17 of Zenith
We did not speak for the longest time, and I allowed my thoughts to wander, the warmth of the room and the softness of the couch lulling me into a sense of security. Outside, I could hear theswishof traffic passing on the street and the comings and goings of neighbors. I was overtly aware of Rivers watching me as he painted, his eye drinking me in as he brought my likeness to life on his canvas.
The whole evening was reminiscent of an erotic scene in a novel, and it was all too clear why artists were always embroiled in such passionate affairs. My lips began to tremble as my body responded to my carnal thoughts, my thighs tensing and my most intimate areas aching to be touched.
Unconsciously, I thought of Edward and the moment we’d shared under the grand chestnut tree at Thornfield—the same tree he proposed to me under and the same tree that had been split in two by lightning the very same night. We’d returned to one another at that moment, making quick and desperate love under those branches. I could feel the ghost of his lips against mine and his manhood as he thrust inside me, his body under mine.
“Jane?”
I blinked, raising my head, and realized I’d fallen asleep.
“Jane?” the voice asked again as a very male hand cupped my cheek. “You must either be quite relaxed or tired.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, glancing up at Rivers. “Did I ruin your painting?”
“Not at all,” he replied, his gaze studying mine before falling to my lips. “You could never ruin it.”
Before I understood what was happening, he dipped his mouth toward mine. There was a split second of time where I felt a stab of loneliness so profound it tore me in two, and I allowed him to kiss me.
His lips were soft against mine at first, then his tongue teased my flesh, demanding entrance. Our embrace deepened as his hand brushed over my breast, over my waist, and settled on my bare leg.
I wanted to moan his name,Edward, but it did not feel right. My mind was muddied from my dream and the scene leading up to it, my body overriding all sense and reason.
I panicked and pushed my palms against Rivers’s chest, breaking us apart.
Edward!Oh God, I loved him still. I would never be rid of him. Should I go back? Should I forgive him and begin anew? Oh God, how I longed for him!
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, placing my feet on the floor and pulling the shirt around my shoulders. I allowed my hair to fall across my face, hiding it from Rivers’s view.
“Jane, I know you are hurting, but perhaps I can be a comfort to you,” he murmured, edging closer to me. “I long for more, but I see you are unable to give it, but I am willing to take whatever you wish to give. If you want to take pleasure from me to still your sorrowful heart, then take what you will.”
I shook my head vigorously. “I cannot.”
“Jane…”
I rose to my feet, hiding my welling tears, and gathered up my clothes. Knowing Rivers was watching my every move, I fled upstairs, locking myself into the spare bedroom that had been my home for the past month.
Collapsing on the bed, I allowed my tears to flow, stifling my sobs in the pillow. I longed for a man’s touch, but that night, the only relief I would give myself was from my own hand. I could not give myself so wantonly to a man who would tire the moment he won what he was fighting for.
I could not betray my feelings even though the man I felt them for had betrayed his.
