Page 19 of Zenith
I shook my head, attempting to wipe all expression from my features. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve seen it many times,” she said, sitting beside me. “Can I tell you a little story, Jane?”
I nodded, knowing I would not be leaving here until she’d said her piece. Adele was a very passionate and forthright person, and I’d learned her questions were never suggestions. If she desired to bestow some wisdom upon me, then it would be bestowed, no matter what.
“I used to work in a bar that was frequented by dancers of the exotic kind back in Paris. Very glitzy, dark and seductive. The kind with poles and erotic dances in men’s laps. Many people look down upon those kinds of establishments, but they are run with strict rules and tight security, and they are a far sight safer than working in this dump.” She laughed and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “There were some girls who had admirers who did not know when to stop with the gifts, you see. Some men became besotted with the fantasy they paid for and thought it was real life. It was very easy for the line to blur, and more girls ended up with lovesick stalkers than not. It was a terrible business and frightening, too. We would do what we could to help them avoid these men since the police wanted nothing to do with sex workers. I saw many looks of fear, and I wished to never see a woman cower again.” She nodded toward the door. “I saw it in your eyes just now. I recognized it as plain as day. You thought you saw someone, did you not?”
My hands began to shake, and I rubbed my palms over my jeans. Was I so plain in my thinking that it was written upon my face even when I thought I was hiding my fears away?
Adele placed her hand on my shoulder, drawing my gaze to hers. “I don’t know your circumstances, Jane, but you can trust me. Who am I going to tell? Certainly not Rivers, the pompous twit!”
“I thought you and Rivers used to date?” I asked.
“It was a flirtation.” She winked suggestively. “He loves the challenge but rarely has the follow through.”
I frowned, my mind thinking over this revelation. I wondered if he would cast me out if he became bored with chasing me. Last night had been a slip, one that I instantly regretted, but now I feared I’d given Rivers an inclination his advances were working.
“He’s up to his dirty tricks, isn’t he?” Adele asked, rolling her eyes. “The idiot!”
“Adele, I—”
“No, don’t tell me!” she declared, interrupting what would have been a halting, and quite awkward, excuse. “He’s made you uncomfortable. Are you still staying with him?”
I nodded.
“Then I will help you find a new situation,” she declared. “You need to distance yourself from the man immediately.”
“I know.” I thought of the money I’d hidden in the spare room at the apartment and everything else that was now mine after my uncle’s passing. It was clear I did not know how to handle my problems. How could I when I had not faced such trials before?
“Oh, Adele,” I said with a sigh. “I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do.”
“Do not worry, Jane,” she replied. “I will help you.”
“Just like that? Without knowing why?” I felt like crying, my burden too heavy to bear, and just as an old injury would ache on a cold winter’s morning, my chest began to throb in two precise places.
“There are good people in this world, just as there are bad,” she said, her carefree attitude changing to something a bit more serious. “And I never wish to see a woman live in fear again, no matter the cause.” She smiled and winked before saying, “Unless you are wanted by the police.”
I shook my head. “No. Of course not!”
“Very good! And you did not see the person who has you worried out there?”
“No, it wasn’t,” I replied, feeling foolish. “It was merely someone who looked similar.”
“Good,” she declared. “Then we better go back to work before we are caught hiding here. Mr. Gibbons will throw us both out onto the street!”
Standing, I straightened my clothing and smoothed my hand through my hair. We returned to the pub, and no one was the wiser anything had transpired at all. It was just another broken glass in a long line of broken glasses.
“I have your back, Jane,” Adele whispered into my ear before sauntering off down the bar.
Sighing, I picked up the rack of glasses I’d abandoned earlier and lifted them up gently before seeking out the dishwasher.
Adele had an uncanny ability for distraction, and my mind was at ease the remainder of the evening. I did not see any more apparitions, nor did I allow another pint glass to shatter, though my mind did not stop its relentless churning.
New beginnings didn’t erase my problems. Deep down, I knew I was only carrying them around with me, ready to install into a new circumstance—the panic attack was a symptom of this. My pattern of uprooting my life and moving had done nothing to help me overcome my issues at all. I’d never truly faced who I was or what had been done to me, and while I may have come to peace with some aspects, I was only running from Edward and the events that had happened at Thornfield. I’d run in the most dramatic and cruel way and disappeared like the coward I was.
Our story was not so cut and dried as good versus evil. My actions had hurt him as his had hurt me. Both of us were at fault.
Had I been the one to abandon him when he needed redemption the most? I’d been so focused on myself that I never once stopped to think about how my leaving would impact him.
If I truly loved him, why had I been so cruel?
