Page 19 of Pulse
Chapter 6
Ash
“Violet!”
I walked from room to room, searching for my elusive sister who was never this elusive. I got that she wanted her peace and quiet, but she’d never gone missing before.
Violet rarely left the house. She got groceries delivered, she paid all the bills online and if she needed something she’d have it sent over or she’d call me. Except that I wasn’t in any position to leave the house either.
My money afforded her a lot of things. Security, protection, a nice house to live in and everything she could ever possibly need. The only thing I couldn’t help her with were the demons that lived in her mind. It was my fault they were there, but I still couldn’t help her. Everything was always my fault. I was a motherfucking beast.
“Violet!” I roared to the empty house.
She was gone.
Motherfucker. I hadn’t seen her all day. She could be anywhere. Opening the door to the garage, I saw her car was gone. I paced back and forth, whilst trying to call her on her mobile. It went to voicemail after a couple of rings, so I sent her a barrage of texts. If something happened to her, I couldn’t leave the house… Going downstairs, I peered out of the curtains at the front gate.
I didn’t like being powerless. I needed to know if she was okay.
The front door slammed and I heard footsteps on the tiled floor of the foyer. Stepping into the hallway, I saw Violet pulling off her denim jacket.
“Where the fuck were you?” I snapped.
“Hello to you too, asshole,” she said, stepping around me.
“Violet,” I called out, following her into the kitchen. “Where were you?”
“I’m surprised you even noticed,” she said, flicking her hair over her shoulder.
“Of course I fucking noticed,” I said. “You’re always here…”
“And weren’t you the one who told me I should try and get out more?” She pushed past me, going for the fridge. “I need to try and get out and do things on my own, Ash. It’s up to me to take the first steps. God knows I get reminded enough.”
“Yeah, but don’t go out without telling me,” I replied sullenly. “I was out of my mind.”
She snorted, obviously finding my anger the ultimate form of sarcasm.
“What?”
“Are you going to tell her?” she asked.
We’d had this discussion over and over and she still pushed the fucking envelope. Curling my lip in displeasure, I turned on my heel and strode from the room. No, I wasn’t going to tell her.
Disappearing into the ensuite bathroom attached to my bedroom, I slammed the door closed. Staring at my reflection for a moment, I took a few gulping breaths. They said anger wasn’t my problem or even controlling it. They said it was some kind of chemical imbalance. Fucking assholes.
Violet wanted me to try, so I fucking tried. I picked up the packet of pills from the counter and popped two from the foil.
I was stuck in this house with no outlet. I couldn’t fight; I couldn’t even stick my ugly fucking head out of the window. I had the gym downstairs, but even that wasn’t enough.
So society’s answer was to dope me up so much that I couldn’t function. Assholes. It was better than the alternative. Hurting Violet or myself and living with the fact that I couldn’t see her…my Spitfire. Knowing she probably hated me was the thing that would break what was left of me.
I downed the pills, scooping a mouthful of water from the tap into my hand. Wash it all down and let my fucked up life fade away into the fog.
I wasn’t going to tell her, because nobody should see this. I was strong, I should be strong. If I let her see me like this, then it was over.
This was pretty fucked up, but it was better than going back to prison.
I stumbled into the bedroom and fell onto the mattress, waiting for the drugs to kick in.
No. Nobody needed to see this.
