Page 21 of Pulse
“Who?” I asked, knowing exactly who she was talking about.
“Violet Fuller?”
I stiffened. It was such a long and fucked up story. How could I tell her after keeping it inside for so long?
“Ren Miller!” she exclaimed. “For fuck’s sake!”
I sank down onto the end of one of the treadmills, utterly exhausted. “I don’t know where to start…”
“How about at the beginning?” she replied, sitting beside me.
“The beginning…” I took a deep breath and wondered where the beginning was. Was it the moment Ash returned to Beat and I almost knocked him out with a cricket bat? Or was it the moment he caved and took me to The Underground? Maybe it was the moment where I decided to find my father.
Taking a deep breath, I dived in. It was time to get it out and who else in the world was better at dishing out tough love than Josie?
I told her about the guy that had tried it on with me at The Underground and how Ash had almost killed him in the cage, I told her about his rivalry with Hammer and how they were at each other’s throats and I told her about what happened that night when I was attacked at the studio. I shivered as I recounted the moment when Hammer touched me and the moment Ash beat him into unconsciousness.
But most of all, I told her about the moment Ash had said he didn’t love me and that he couldn’t. I’d run and left him to kill Hammer. That hadn’t happened, but it could’ve. I ran when I should’ve stood my ground. I let fear overcome me and lost everything.
“What the fuck?” Josie exclaimed. “If I had of known…”
“What would’ve you done Josie? You couldn’t have done anything.”
“I could’ve done something to help you find Ash and stop him. That would’ve been step one. The next step would’ve been to call the cops. Ren, I can’t believe…”
“I kept it from you to keep you safe,” I exclaimed. “If things had gotten rough, then you could’ve been implicated.”
“Ren… Shit.”
“He didn’t do it, by the way,” I said, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “I saw one of The Underground fighters at the last qualifier. She said Hammer had come back.”
Josie gave me a look. “That’s not the point.”
“I know. He still had the intent. Violet doesn’t know what happened that night and Hammer hasn’t talked either.” I sighed deeply. The whole thing had become such a huge mess.
“Where is Ash now? Why did his sister-”
“He went to prison, Josie.” I shivered as her expression fell into one of shock. “That’s where he was for four years. He wasn’t in Thailand. He was in jail for beating Hammer into a coma. That’s why Violet was here. He attacked her to get to Ash, the exact same way they tried with me.”
“But he succeeded with her…”
“Yeah and Ash exploded and got thrown out of pro and put into the slammer.”
“And Hammer came back for more?” she asked, shaking her head. “What a dumb fuck.”
I covered my face with my hands like it’d make it all go away. If I couldn’t see them then I was invisible.
“Where is Ash now Ren?”
“He’s under house arrest and can’t leave. I gather he beat Hammer into a pulp again and got caught. She said he was…” I choked on my words. I was hurting too. Wasting away. Why did it have to be me that always picked up the pieces?
“Said he was what?”
I shrugged. “Wasting away. Depressed. I don’t want to believe her…”
“I think you do,” Josie replied matter-of-factly.
I shook my head. “No way.”
