Page 30 of Pulse
Everything just seemed so...futile. I couldn’t see the point anymore.
“You okay?”
I glanced up at Josie and smiled thinly. “Yeah.”
I caught sight of Monica in the background and glared at her over Josie’s shoulder. Her eyebrow rose slightly and she disappeared into the kitchen.
“Open it up Ren,” Dean said, drawing my attention back to the semi-party.
“I can’t,” I said. “You guys have a look for me.”
Backing away, I shrugged at Dad who was staring at me with a disappointed expression. I figured I’d have a shower and by the time I got out, all the stuff would be packed away where I didn’t have to look at it. I wasn’t a fan of things. Things weighed me down.
“Ren,” Josie called out behind me.
I slowed down, but I didn’t stop.
“Did you go?” she asked once we were out of earshot.
I nodded, my chest tightening.
“And?”
I shook my head as we walked into the change rooms.
“You didn’t go in?”
“I went in,” I said, curling my fingers into the hem of my tank top.
Josie frowned. “I don’t like that look on your face. What happened?”
“I couldn’t do it.” I bowed my head to try and hide the flush of shame that was turning my skin a flaming shade of red.
“Oh, Ren…”
“I went in, I saw him, but he didn’t see me… He…” I shrugged, biting my bottom lip.
“He what?”
“He looked so…defeated. It wasn’t him. Not like I remembered.”
“Oh, Ren,” she crooned.
“I ran away Josie,” I blurted. “I fucking ran away before he could see me.”
“Then you need to go back,” she declared like it was a no-brainer.
“I ran away,” I exclaimed. “I’ve never run...”
“If you’re so torn up about it then you must still feel something for him.”
I blinked hard. I did, didn’t I? But what that was exactly, I didn’t have a bloody clue. Maybe my heart was too broken to go back.
“I can see the doubt on your face Ren Miller and it doesn’t suit you.”
“Fuck,” I said, glancing away. “It’s all just so…overwhelming. I’m not used to all this pressure. I was a nobody for so long and now there’s all these people...”
“If you need to take a breather, just say the word. I’m sure your dad will understand.”
