Page 34 of Pulse
We sat in uncomfortable silence for a while, sipping on our tea. It tasted like crap and hadn’t calmed me down in the slightest, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her.
“What’s the deal with his sentence?” I asked, not brave enough to say Ash’s name just yet.
“He has to stay in the house twenty-four seven. Once a month he gets a visit from some guy from the Department of Justice to see how he’s doing. They made him speak to a therapist once a week for the first few months, but they stopped that.”
I grimaced; I didn’t have to ask why they stopped the shrink from visiting. I could think up a dozen scenarios that all ended badly. It was probably a mutual agreement to stop. “So, they monitor the house?”
“They make him wear an alarm around his ankle. If he crosses the threshold, it goes off and a bunch of cops show up.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Has he tried to leave?”
“Not yet.”
I glanced over my shoulder, my strength starting to come back.
“I can’t tell you what to say,” Violet said, her voice full of uncertainty. “I don’t know what to say to him most days myself. All I know is that he seems lost and I don’t know what to do. When he was back at Beat with you…it was the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time.”
“You think I can get through to him?” I asked.
“I know you can.”
I glanced down at the mug of tea and screwed up my nose. I’d made this entire journey about me so far. Did I have the courage, did I still have feelings, did I want to face him… I’d made it all about me, but what about Ash? He was stuck in here because he’d tried to save me. He did save me from something a lot worse than what I was currently going through, but I still had a future. I could leave for Sydney tomorrow and never look back. And Ash? I wasn’t sure what he had once he was free to leave his own home. All he had left was underground fighting and I wasn’t sure they would want to take him back.
It must feel like absolute crap to have the lowest of low turn their backs on you, along with the rest of the world.
It was that thought that saw me standing and walking towards the stairs without so much as a word to Violet. It was that thought that gave me the courage I needed to face him.
Ash had nothing, he’d thrown what little he had away to save me from the same fate his sister had suffered. The least I could do was have the guts to look him in the eye, no matter how much he’d hurt me.
Ren Miller had to stand up and fight because that’s all she was good for. If that’s all I was ever going to get for the rest of my life…well, that wasn’t so bad.
I found myself outside his bedroom door once more, my hand hesitating on the handle. This was a blow that couldn’t be softened. There was no block to learn for this punch, I just had to take it on the chin and get the fuck over it.
Turning the handle, the door eased open letting me into Ash’s bedroom and this time, I stepped inside.
Large windows took up most of the opposite wall with long curtains covering the glass. White mesh let in some light, but the room was closed tight to the elements outside. The room was almost bare, other than the leather chair in the corner; the same oneAsh’dbeen sitting in the day I ran away.
I let my gaze run the length of the wall until it settled on the bed. Ash was buried underneath the covers, half in and half out, tangled in a mess of blankets. He was naked from the waist up and whatever was underneath the covers was a mystery, but knowing Ash there was a high probability that he was naked under there too.
I slipped off my boots and socks and padded across the carpet.
“Ash?” I whispered staring down at him, but there was no response. He was out cold by the looks of it.
I sighed a little in relief. I’d get a chance to really look at him before I said something I’d regret. Moving forward, I sat on the edge of the bed gently, the mattress dipping slightly under my weight.
I remembered all the times I saw him training at Beat, the determination that had always been deeply set into his features. He’d wanted to be the best, regardless of his situation. He fought to sate the beast within, that was a well known fact by now, but it was more than that. I wondered if fighting meant more to him than a way to deal with his anger. Solace was a place that ran deeper than anything in one’s soul. Maybe that’s what fighting really did for him.
Shit, that was fucking deep.
Casting my gaze across him, my eye caught on a magazine on the bedside table. It was worn and dog-eared like he’d read it over and over, but that’s not what caught my eye. It was opened on a page that looked very familiar. It was the magazine shoot I’d done with the Twins weeks ago, the one where I’d complained the whole time making Josie break out in hives.
Ash had read the article and kept it by his bed. My heart twisted and I bit my bottom lip, my fingers curling into the doona. That must mean something, right?
Boldly, I slid underneath the covers fully clothed, my head resting on the pillow and watched him sleep. I still hadn’t decided what I was going to say. I didn’t know if there were any words to describe all the things I felt for him.
Ash groaned in his sleep, rolling onto his side and I stiffened, my eyes widening. His lips were inches from mine and the sensations that the nearness of his body caused began to muddle my thoughts even further. All those times we’d slept together at Beat flooded into my memory and I began to tremble.
His eyes cracked open like he knew someone was watching him and he stared at me, his breathing shallow. Violet was right, he was so out of it he couldn’t tell reality from fantasy.
