Page 41 of Pulse
“And what?” he asked. “What would’ve you done, Ren? You couldn’t have helped me.”
“Fuck you,” I cried, standing up. “And your answer was to try and kill the guy?”
“I didn’t kill him,” Ash roared, standing to face me.
“And what you did was any more right than that?” I yelled back. “You didn’t have to leave me.” I started to shake, barely holding on.
“I fucked up your life Ren. Don’t tell me that leaving you wasn’t the kindest thing I ever did.”
I stared at him, not believing the shit that he was dribbling. “You don’t get it do you?”
“What’s there to get?” he asked. “I’m a fuck up. A beast.”
“I was in it for better or worse,” I yelled at him. “I’d never have given up on us. You. Gave. Up.”
He jerked his hand through his hair, his muscles flexing.
I picked up the magazine from beside the bed, the same magazine that he’d obviously read over and over, and slapped it against his chest. He caught it in his big paw, his eyes wide.
“If you didn’t fucking care, then why did you keep this?”
He stared at the magazine, rather than lifting his gaze to meet mine. “I thought I was doing the right thing…”
“Well, it wasn’t.”
He bit his bottom lip and I knew that he was trying to keep it together. If he snapped I wasn’t sure what he’d do. Burst into tears or go on a rampage. Remembering the day he’d gone Hulk in the middle of Beat, I realized that the phone call he’d gotten must’ve been from Hammer. Hammer had threatened me and taunted Ash with what he’d done to Violet...
“I know you were trying to spare me Ash. I knew you thought it was the right thing to do, but you’re letting your anger rule you.”
He shook his head, his gaze falling to the floor.
“You should’ve let your heart…” I swallowed the lump in my throat before saying, “You should’ve let me help you.”
“After what he was going to do to you?”
“Especially because of what he was going to do.”
Ash’s head came up and his eyes were glassy.
“Don’t you think I wanted my revenge too?” It was such a simple notion, and one I hadn’t really thought of pressing before, but it was one of the truest things I’d ever said to Ash Fuller. I wanted payback, but that was for another day.
“It was my job to protect you,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “I failed.”
I felt anger rising again, anger and frustration. I turned on my heel, striding for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I need a time out,” I spat, slamming the door closed behind me.
I’d be doing us all afavorby walking away. It was the easy way out after all. Unfortunately for me, my heart wasn’t in it.
Like a magnet for pain, I still wanted him. I still wanted Ash for better or worse.
And things were probably about to get a lot worse before they got anywhere close to being better.
I found myself in Ash’s kitchen, not knowing if I was welcome to wander the house. It seemed like this forbidden space that I wasn’t welcome in just yet.
