Page 51 of Pulse
“What?” he asked, his grip tightening.
“That’s the first time you’ve called me that since…”
“I never stopped.”
I began stroking my thumb back and forth across his skin.
“What did Violet tell you?”
“What?” I asked, wondering what he was going to divulge now. There wasn’t much left that was unsaid between us now and I began to panic a little.
“When she came to see you at Beat. I assume she told you all the gory details about what happened to her,” he said, stroking a hand through my hair. “I’m not sure what else could’ve convinced you to come here.”
“She gave me the dot points, but she didn’t have to elaborate very much.” I guessed this was the last thing that was left open between us. Ash’s explanation about why he was kicked from pro, about Hammer and Violet…about the beginning of his downfall.
“You don’t have to explain it to me,” I said. “I understand enough.”
“I need to tell you Ren.”
I sighed, grateful that he couldn’t see my expression. “So then tell me.”
He buried his nose into my hair and breathed deeply. “The moment I saw the video of…” He paused. “That’s something nobody should ever have to see. My little sister, mydefenselesslittle sister…”
I moved against him, tightening my grip around his forearms.
“I took the bait and acted just the way they wanted me to. I just lost all kind of control and beat him within an inch of his life. After that I was basically screwed. If I was thinking clearly…” He sighed, tightening his arms around me.
“If there was a tape, then why didn’t he get convicted?”
“They got to it before we could,” he said. “There was no evidence. It was their word against ours and because of what I did… There was only one person for the law to blame and that was me.”
They destroyed the evidence so Ash had the book thrown at him and was banned from the AUFC and Hammer got off looking like the victim. And Violet…she didn’t get any justice at all for what happened to her.
“Violet?” I asked. “Is that why she-”
“Doesn’t leave the house. She’s afraid of a lot of things these days but she wasn’t always like that. She was fearless Ren and now that’s gone. I’ll always feel guilty for what happened to her.”
“She doesn’t blame you,” I said. “Nobody does.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s something I have to deal with on my own.”
We fell into another uneasy silence, but there was nothing I wanted to ask. The Underground had been a place of…redemption almost for him. An outlet for his anger in lieu of the AUFC.
I sat up, needing to distance myself for a moment and he pushed himself upright, watching my expression.
“Did you ever stop to think that fighting at The Underground might’ve been feeding your anger, rather than helping?” I asked him and he frowned.
“What about you?” he asked, turning my question back on me.
“I struggled with a lot of things after you left,” I said. “I still am in a way.”
We sat facing each other, staring and absorbing everything.
“What was it like…?” I asked. “Jail…?”
Ash hissed, turning away from me. “I don’t want to talk about that,” he said bluntly. “Don’t make me, Ren.”
I shrunk back into myself. “I’m sorry...”
