Page 84 of Pulse
Chapter 25
Ren
Truthfully, I’d been worried about Ash’s first fight.
He’d been a mess of emotions the last time he’d fought in the cage and I was painfully aware that it might resurface once he was standing in the exact same spot where he’d almost killed a man. I knew enough about these things to realize it might be a trigger for him, that a year under house arrest with on and off medication and miss-managed therapy might’ve broken him more.
There was no way of telling what would happen until he was back in the cage and facing his demons head on. He’d fought and won, come face-to-face with Hammer and was still hanging on. In stark contrast, I’d been the one to break.
Ash had had his turn and tonight was mine. Word on the street was that since thepool had been thinned by the newwomensAUFC league, that it wouldn’t be so easy.Rumorhad it that I was going to be paired with Rogue. Hammer’s ex. As if I wasn’t under enough pressure. Like salt in an open wound, they had to shove me straight into the deep end with a fighter who hated my guts. Awesome.
I was in the kitchen at Beat, enjoying a few moments of peace while Ash was showering and the Twins were still yet to show, when I heard a noise at the door. Glancing up from my bowl of cereal, I dropped my spoon when my gaze collided with someone I thought I’d never see again for as long as we both shall live.
Monica Miller.
She hadn’t been back to Beat since the day that Ash had walked in and things had blown up. The last time I’d seen my half-sister was when she was running from the place, tears streaming from her eyes. I didn’t want to feel sorry for her, especially after everything that’d happened between us, but I seemed to have a heart. I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to see how she liked being touched up by a rapist, but I didn’t see the point at stooping to their level. I don’t know how they did it, but I couldn’t live with myself.
Bottom line was, Monica Miller wasn’t evil. All she was guilty of was loving a man who didn’t love her back.
Crazy in love.
“Where’s Ash?” she asked, her voice wavering.
“In the shower,” I replied. “You better get out before he sees you.”
We hadn’t spoken about her since the day she’d come clean and I didn’t know what he’d do if he saw her now. He had enough on his plate with The Underground and Hammer without having that shit brought up again.
“Ren, I-”
I snorted, glaring at my sister with the fire of a thousand suns and she clamped her mouth shut, but then she did something I never knew she was capable of. She grew a spine and stepped forward, clearly on the offensive.
“Dad won’t speak to me and I’ve got no job.” She sniffed, her eyes starting to glass. “Even Mum is disappointed in me.”
I wanted to spit back at her and tell her that I hoped she was miserable, but it didn’t seem classy. I had to stay classy.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I did to you and Ash.”
I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. I had no way of knowing if the pain she felt was even a match for mine when Ash was gone. There was no way of knowing, no way of describing the ache that had been left behind in my soul. Nobody knew how much something affected someone except themselves. Heartache was a private kind of pain.
“I don’t think I will ever accept your apology,” I said, glancing at her. “I can’t right now. Not until this thing is over.”
“Ren, please.”
It seemed important to her that she had my forgiveness, but it was something I couldn’t give her.
I shook my head. Rape and violence. That was the fate she’d thrown my way whether she mean to or not. “The damage has been done. There’s nothing else to say.”
She flinched, wrapping her arms around her stomach and nodded. Without another word she turned like she was wounded and slunk out of the kitchen. I watched her go, a curious feeling bubbling through my skin, before digging my spoon back into my breakfast.
At least it was something knowing that she had to live with her choices for the rest of her life. Wasn’t that punishment enough? She regretted what she’d done; she’d lost the respect of her parents, her friends, lost her job… At what point was it enough?
One day Monica would find redemption, but it wasn’t going to be anytime soon.
