Page 19 of Crash
“Don’t. Just fuckingdon’t.”
Ash reached out, his expression full of regret, and I twisted away before he could touch me.
“You know what I feel every day?” I asked, beginning to tremble. “Shame. Shame because it was my fault. Shame because you ruined your life because of me. Fuckingshameand having them know that?” I jabbed a finger towards the gym. “Shame. I can’t even look them in the eye anymore.”
Ash stepped forward, his face ashen, and threw his arms around me.
“Let me the fuck go,” I cried, batting my fists against his chest. “Ash.”
Ignoring me, he just squeezed tighter, my fists bouncing off him like he was made of stone. Well, he was over six-feet of hard muscle, so to think I could put a dent in him? Fat fucking chance.
“Shh,” he murmured, laying his cheek against the top of my head. “Let it out, Vee.”
“I’m mortified,” I sobbed. Having Lincoln know considering how I felt about him? Yeah, Ifelt. Attraction or whatever you wanted to call it. I could dream, but I could never cope with him touching me. I couldn’t see how I could, and now that I knewhe knew everything, those fears were cemented. Never seemed like a really long fucking time.
“I’m sorry,” Ash said as I began to calm. “I didn’t think. It was such a hard time for all of us. You know I blamed myself for years, and you were the one to help me see that it wasn’t my fault. To think you feel that way? Fuck, Vee. It was nobody’s fault but his, and he got what was coming to him. I made sure of it.”
“Lincoln…” I began.
“You still crushing on him?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to confess to my brother that I was still hung up on the guy. “I have to work with him.”
“You didn’t hear it from me, but he’s not a bad guy, Vee. I don’t think he’ll tell anyone.”
“It’s not that…”
“You want me to have a word with him?”
“No!” I cried, pulling away a little too sharply.
Ash frowned, his eyes flickering. The cogs were turning in his brain, and when that happened, it meant trouble. I’d probably just given myself away with my stellar reaction.
“I need to start coping with things myself,” I said, steering the conversation away from the danger zone. “I can’t rely on you to fix everything for me. Just…just don’t tell anyone else.”
He didn’t seem convinced, but he nodded. “Sure thing.”
Pulling in a deep breath, I glanced back at the door. Now I had to go the fuck back out there and pretend that I was cool with everything. Could I look Lincoln in the eye again? I guess there was only one way to find out.
Maybe we could be acquaintances, work buddies…friends.What a fucking laugh.
**
I spent the rest of the day totaling invoices and organizing the filing cabinet like a pro. At least my anal-retentive organizational skills were coming in handy.
I also tried my hardest not to look through the window at the gym below, but like a bloody siren call, I couldn’t stay away. Lincoln spent the entire day, down on the mats, helping Ash train the two guys who were going for the pro MMA league. Ash did all the training alongside them because he was a freak of nature, but Lincoln held back. Every now and then, he’d join in, but I could tell his shoulder was bothering him. I wondered what exactly he’d done to it and what his prognosis was.
Shaking my head, I scolded myself for fixating on the poor guy once again. Turning to sit back at the desk, I paused. Shit, I needed to pee really badly.
It was the most normal thing in the world, and here I was, thinking I would never have to leave my safe little harbor in the sea of hot men. Turned out, only the call of nature could pry me away.
Leaving the office, I tiptoed down the stairs and hightailed it around the corner into the women’s change rooms without being seen.
The bathroom was empty, so I went into the first stall and locked the door, comforted by the small space. I was all about the power pee, so I was done in thirty seconds, my finger pushing the button to flush. Unlocking the door and sliding out, my gaze collided with the woman from this morning, Andrea.
Fuck.
She glanced up, catching my startled gaze in the mirror.
