Page 22 of Crash
“My eyes?”
“You never used to look at me like that.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Looked like the confidence tree was more like confidence ivy. Maybe I’d better cut it back some.
Lincoln sighed, running a hand over his face. It was so quiet I heard his skin rasp against the slight shadow of stubble that coated his jaw.
“Just,” I began, pausing when I felt a lump form in my throat. “Just keep it to yourself if you don’t mind.”
“I wouldn’t dare tell anyone,” he murmured, his green eyes finding mine.
In that split second, my heart felt like it was going to burst. I was in trouble, I already knew it, but I wasn’t getting out of it… I was in lust with Lincoln Hayes for life without parole.
My lips twinged, turning up slightly at the corners. “Good.”
“Listen, if you ever wanna…” he muttered with an awkward shrug.
Super buff, fighter extraordinaire Lincoln Hayes awkward?It probably had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. It was my aura screwing with his.
“What?” I asked when he didn’t move or finish his question.
He looked torn for a moment and shrugged again. “I dunno.” He turned and opened the door, glancing back once more. “My lips are sealed.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. The door closed. He was gone, and the moment had passed. If I was one of those chicks from the romance novels I devoured, I’d suck it up, run out into the hall and finish his question for him.
If I everwannawhat? Have coffee, have lunch, hang out…and fuck forbid,talk? Disappointment flared hot and hard all over my pathetic body. He didn’t want me. Did I really want him?
Yeah, I think I’d like to spend more time with him, but I wasn’t sure the kind of time I was thinking about was on the same wavelength as his. Friends, lovers, boyfriend… I didn’t know which line to draw, or which one I was ready for.
It didn’t matter. He stopped himself from asking, which was as good as a slap in the face with a wet fish. Lincoln Hayes didn’t want me.I got it Universe, stop flaunting it.
Hear that?That earsplitting crack that sounded like a tectonic plate shifting and crumbling, leveling an entire city?Yeah, that was my heart.
**
That night, I went home and cried while I watched eight back-to-back episodes ofArrowon Netflix.
Ash was at Ren’s place again, which was still at Beat, so I assumed they were doing their midnight training thing. I was grateful for the space because if he caught me crying, he’d start looking for skulls to crack.
The next morning, I dragged my bleary-eyed self into Pulse, my stomach stewing knowing that Lincoln would be there. I’d never been rejected before, but I also hadn’t put myself in the position that allowed me to be. The shelves of training manuals in my bedroom hadn’t prepared me for the reality and it was much, much worse.
Luckily, when I arrived, it was before him, and I closed myself in the office. Just thinking about the guy had me in knots. Hammer had taken more than my dignity that night. He’d taken my entire life and my ability to live and cope. It seemed to be the cruelest fate of them all.
Sinking into the chair, I closed my eyes and willed away another slew of tears that threatened. I’d thought I’d cried them all last night. There was a loud knock and I jerked upright, my eyes flying open and launched myself to the filing cabinet.False appearances and all.
I felt like I hadn’t seen my brother in days after our argument and deep and meaningful conversation next door. I busied myself with filing a new lot of invoices when he deigned to make an appearance.
“Hey, squirt,”Ashdeclared, bounding into the office. ”Big news.”
The last time he said the words ‘big’ and ‘news’ was when he was telling Ren I’d taken this job. I wondered whatharebrainedscheme he had cooking this time.
“You’re finally taking that holiday?” I asked, not entirely serious.
“Yeah, actually.” He rubbed a hand through his hair, a grimace plastered on his face.
I raised my eyebrows, and a million different scenarios, including one where I balled up the financials of my brother’s pride and joy, were running through my mind, and for a moment, I forgot about the six-foot-two fighter downstairs that had unknowingly shattered my heart.
“Ren and I are going to Thailand,” he said. “There’s a dude that offered to do some training with us. Thai boxing. It was where I told everyone I was when…” He shrugged. “I figured it was time to go and actually learn some of that shit, you know.”
Yeah, I knew. Pro boxing in Thailand was his cover story for his time in prison for fucking up the guy who attacked me.
