Page 26 of Crash
“Did you stay in touch?”
“No. We didn’t really talk. Then…” I trailed off since she knew what happened next. It was the reason I was here every Thursday.
“So,” Dr. Ormond murmured, “you took the job at your brother’s gym and found him working there.”
“He’s a fighter in the AUFC,” I said. “He’s got a shoulder injury keeping him away. Ash gave him a job to tide him over.”
“So, he’s a fighter…interesting.”
I glanced up at her. Lincoln was a part of the world that had broken me. Was that why it was so hard? Or was it more than that?
“Do you like him now?” she asked.
I nodded. “He’s different. Nicer.”
Dr. Ormond smiled. “Do you think he might like you too?”
I raised my eyebrows and thought about it. “As friends? I guess.More than that?I don’t know.”
“Have you thought about asking him out?”
The question blindsided me. Coming from Dr. Ormond it seemed like the natural thing to do, just ask Lincoln out for a coffee or lunch or something, but actually doing it? Hell to the no.
She smiled at my reaction. “Perhaps just starting to talk to him a little more is a good first step. Then, when you’re comfortable, you could ask him.”
I glanced at my hands, my cheeks reddening. “I think he was going to ask me the other day… But…”
“But?”
“He knew.” My throat began to tighten, and I squeezed my eyes shut. It still stung like a bitch.
“He knows what happened?” Dr. Ormond’s voice was low and calm, soothing.
I nodded, sucking in a breath that shuddered with suppressed sobs. “So I can’t just ask him,” I blurted. “He knows. He looks at me differently. I didn’t understand until he told me he knew.”
“How does he look at you, Violet?”
I opened my eyes, a tear escaping and running down my flushed cheek. “He looks at me like I’m going to break. Like I’m a puzzle that’s too hard to solve. Like being with me would be too much trouble.”
“You could try being honest with him,” Dr. Ormond declared. “If he’s already aware of your past, then he might be more open to talking with you about your worries.”
I noted that she didn’t say ‘fears’.Terrifying, humiliating fears.
I swallowed hard. Now that it was out in the open with her, I could just come out and say it. “How do you talk to a red-blooded man and tell him that you like him in a more than friends kind of way but are too afraid to let him touch you?”
Dr. Ormond kept her face impassive, a trait that never failed to piss me off. One step forward, a gazillion steps back.
“Take it one step at a time, Violet.”
How did I know that would be her answer? I didn’t want to take a little step. I wanted a giant cure-all leap. Too bad one of those didn’t exist, or I’d be leaping right now.
“I just…” I shook my head, swiping away a tear with the back of my hand. “I’m just tired of feeling this way.”
“I know,” Dr. Ormond replied. “I know.”
**
I stood in the kitchen, staring at myMcCain’sCreamy ChickenCarbonarafrozen meal as it rotated in the microwave.
