Page 37 of Crash
I sat up straight, blinking hard. “Huh?”
“Are you sure you’re good, bro?” he asked as I glanced back toward Violet.
She stilled as she heard my voice, and our eyes met. For once, she didn’t turn and flee up the stairs at the sight of me. She paused and raised her hand, her lips curving into a smile.Fuck.
“Yeah, I’m cool,” I replied, giving her a small wave in reply. I was going to add that I was eager to get back to Sydney so I could fight, but I wasn’t so sure I was in such a hurry anymore.
She disappeared upstairs, and a moment later, the office light flicked on.
“Listen, I’vegottago,” I said, standing. I had to shake this shit off and get with the program. “The guys will be here in a few.”
“Yep, me too. Gotta get into the gym before Coach has my ass.”
“Right.”
“Later.”
I hung up the call and tossed my phone back into my bag as the front door opened, early morning sunlight reflecting off the glass. Andrea appeared and waved in my direction before disappearing into the women’s change room. Shit, I was such a fucking idiot. My cock was controlling my every move. She’d been a good fuck, but maybe that was only because I was picturing someone else.
What was I supposed to do? I’d be going back to Sydney before too long, and where would that leave everyone in this place?
Violet wouldn’t come with me, she was afraid of pretty much everything and asking her to get on a plane and go interstate? It would be a big deal. Fuck, why would I even think that? She wasn’t mine to ask. I couldn’t start that when I couldn’t finish it. She deserved more than that.
Andrea, on the other hand, she was a bit of fun. She knew it was a limited time offer.
Just a bit of fun.
Fourteen
Violet
For days after the fact, I clutched onto the memory of Lincoln falling asleep next to me.
It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me outside of Ash’s sacrifices, and I wondered what Dr. Ormond would make of it at our appointment tomorrow.
Work kept us both busy and for once, I found myself not afraid of running into him. Things were becoming easier, and as the days went by, I found myself leaving the office more and more. It was simple things that I saw an improvement in.Eye contact, smiling, saying hello.People didn’t scare me quite as much, and it had sparked a newfound sense of confidence in me. Lincoln had shown me he cared, and that meant everything.
Andrea, on the other hand, I avoided like the plague. Her claws were constantly out, and asmackdownover a guy was something I was definitely not ready to deal with.
Lincoln and I were just friends. Just. Friends. I was sure if I kept repeating it to myself, like a mantra, it would come true, but something had changed that night. Crush to something I didn’t quite understand.
I sat in the office at Pulse, furiously trying to get on top of the paperwork that the gym created. It was a never-ending cycle, and I hadn’t realized exactly how much Ash and Ren did before they went away. Glancing at the postcard that had arrived in the post that morning, I smiled. It was a picture of a white sandy beach with a temple superimposed along the skyline with gold metallic letters that said ‘Thailand’. From the two sentences that Ash had managed to scrawl on the back, they really sounded like they were having a great time, even if they couldn’t get any mobile reception to call me.
Glancing at the clock on the computer, I saw it was almost seven pm.Shit. I hadn’t realized the time. There was no class tonight, so it was quiet downstairs. I wondered if Lincoln was still here. No doubt he would’ve seen the office light still on if hewas. It was company policy to lock the doors as everyone left for the night, and I knew he had keys just like I did.
Thinking nothing of it, I picked up the phone and called myself a taxi. This was the next stage in my ‘getting out there’ plan. Talking to a taxi driver and letting a little of my control go. Having someone drive me home was letting a whole lot of that go for me.
The dispatcher told me it’d be fifteen minutes, so I packed up the office and decided to wait downstairs. Threading my arm through the handle of my bag, I turned off the lights and headed down, listening, out of habit, for anything that might be lurking. A muffled sound echoed through the empty gym, and I paused on the bottom step.
“Hello?” I called, but it came out as a tiny squeak.
I stepped down into the gym and couldn’t see anyone, so I moved over to the front door, unlocking it so I could make a quick getaway if I needed to. A loud female moan split the silence, and I turned sharply. It had come from the change rooms, I was sure of it. Another moan echoed through the cavernous space, and I felt my cheeks begin to heat. Someone was having sex back there.
A slew of emotions rushed through my body, and I wasn’t sure if I should be horrified or not. Who was it? There was no one else here, so it had to be Lincoln…andAndrea. That’s the kind of woman he wanted. Perfect, not afraid of a bit of cock, beautiful, vocal… Suddenly, the thought of touching myself and thinking about him seemed foolish. I was a fool.
My cheeks flared red, and I didn’t know what to do. Should I go outside? Glancing out at the dark street, I didn’t like the idea of that. Anybody could be lurking out there. An image of Hammer flashed into my mind’s eye, and I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the door. My chest began to constrict, and I sucked in a deep breath, trying to block out the over-the-top moaning. It sounded like a bloody porno, and it wasn’t helping. None of it was fucking helping to dispel the panic attack it was conjuring.
The grunting and moaning began to accelerate, and I closed my eyes, my heart shattering. He wasn’t mine. He could fuck whomever he wanted to. He wasn’t mine. I’d wanted him, but I hadn’t realized how bad until I heard him getting what I couldn’t give him from another woman.A vapid, self-absorbed, beautiful woman.She wasn’t afraid of a man’s touch, she wasn’t afraid of her own shadow. She was everything he wanted. I’d never be enough, would I?
