Page 39 of Crash
“I wanted it to be you.”
I froze, the old Violet coming to the surface. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Vee—”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “Only Ash calls me that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What’s there to be sorry for?” I retorted. “You’re not my boyfriend.” The words sliced into my heart deeper than I thought possible. “If you don’t mind, I’ve got work to do.” I turned to the computer and promptly tried to ignore him but failed horribly. He filled every sense I had to the point it physically ached.
Ofall the dead shit assholes in the world, I had to fall for the most clueless of the bunch.He wanted it to be me?Who said that to a woman the day after she hears them fucking someone else?Seriously. Maybe I was old fashioned, or maybe I was just decent, but I thought if you wanted someone, you’d do whatever it took to getthem—without taking a detour because you were sexually frustrated.
“I—” He clamped his mouth shut, obviously deciding that whatever excuse he was about to rattle off was pathetic.
“We watched a movie together,” I said thinly, not turning around. “That’s all.” It wasn’t all, but I was blowing it all out of proportion.
I felt him move behind me, and he set his hand on my shoulder. “Vee…”
It was the second time he’d touched me, apart from the other night where he’d lifted my chin, and the contact was so unexpected I twisted away sharply. My movement was so violent I almost fell off the chair and landed on my ass.
Lincoln jerked back, his expression full of surprise.
Clutching my hand over my heart, I breathed deeply. “Please, just go.”
I was becoming more mortified with each second. Turning, I rested my elbows against the desktop and placed my face into my palms. How could I want him like that when his touch terrified me? How could I even let him kiss me if that was my reaction? I couldn’t.
He didn’t move, his presence still looming behind me. I could feel his gaze on my back, and it burned. A moment later, he shuffled away and the door closed softly. Peering at the reflection in the computer screen, I could see I was alone. Glancing over my shoulder to make sure, I let my shoulders sag, the tension I’d been holding bleeding away.
I dropped my head into my hands, and a sob escaped my throat. I was trying to be strong, trying to pretend it didn’t sting like a bitch, but I was only fooling myself. I wasn’t okay. Not by a long shot.
It just got fucking worse. My life was one big horrible mess with no end in sight. When Ash got back, I’d tell him I quit. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d thought I’dbe okay knowingI couldn’t have Lincoln but having it smashed into my face by someone like Andrea? Beautiful,confident, toned, leggy, fucking Andrea. I was too weak, too afraid and too fucking broken to handle it.
Taking a deep breath, I wiped away my tears and resumed work on the pile of invoices that Bobby had left on my desk.
When Ash got back, I’d tell him I couldn’t work here anymore. He’d be disappointed, but maybe I could come back after Lincoln had left.
Yeah, maybe I could do that.
**
Dr. Ormond’s office was fast becoming another one of my safe zones. I never thought I’d say it, considering how I’d rebelled against the whole therapy thing in the beginning, but I was fast becoming a believer. There were things, like the ‘incident’, I could never ever talk to Ash about. Dr. Ormond would offer a sensible course of action whereas my brother would just go and knock Lincoln’s head off.
“How are things going at Pulse?” she asked as I settled in on the couch.
“Okay.”
“Just okay?”
I shrugged, knowing Dr. Ormond would have to work to get it out of me, as per usual.
“Have you spoken to Lincoln since he slept over?”
“A little,” I replied, beginning to squirm.
“And how has that been? Easier?”
“Yes and no.”
