Page 87 of Crash
Thinking about all the things Lincoln and I had been through, I smiled. I’d overcome the greatest fear of them all, a man’s touch, and everything else now seemed within my grasp.
“Being in a relationship is like a partnership. You lean on one another with support and love but not to the point where one cannot stand without the other.”
“Do you think that’s what I’ve been doing?”
Dr. Ormond shrugged. “Perhaps. Being apart from him is obviously hard for you.”
I wanted Lincoln so much, but was it bad for me? Or was it exactly what I needed? I was so confused.
“Do you love him?”
I stared at Dr. Ormond and blinked hard.
“It’s a simple question when you think about it,” she continued. “But it’s the hardest one of all.”
“I—” She was right, but I didn’t know the answer.At least, not yet.
“Would you consider going to Sydney?”
Instantly, I folded in on myself. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I… All those people…” I trailed off, knowing that I would be just spouting off a list of excuses if I continued.
“It’s fear that’s holding you back. Of the unknown, of rejection, of the future.”
“Fear of the future?” I asked, turning my gaze onto her.
“Patients with your symptoms get used to what’s familiar to them. They cling onto what they know and are fiercely protective over it. For you, it’s your life here in Melbourne, which includes your brother, the office at the gym and your bedroom at home. Those are your familiar places. Fear of things outside of that comfortable safe zone is what holds you back from more. With more, there is always the chance of being hurt, but it also allows the good to shine.” She smiled at me kindly. “Think back to when I asked you about finding a job. How did that make you feel?”
“Anxious,” I replied hesitantly.
“And when you first went to Pulse?”
Thinking back to the party and my first meeting with Lincoln, I shuddered. “Afraid.”
“And how do you feel about that now?”
I sighed sharply and shook my head. “Fine.”
“There are no guarantees in life, Violet. You need to ask yourself what you’re willing to risk in order to achieve the things you desire the most.”
I stared at her, my eyes beginning to glass with tears. “What do I do?”
“It’s obvious you care for Lincoln a great deal. Being apart isn’t working as well as you hoped it would, but I can’t make this decision for you, you know that.”
“I know.”
“But I will offer you this advice,” she said with her usual friendly smile. “Going to Sydney wouldn’t be permanent. It’s a step toward conquering your fear of the unknown. Nothing is ever set in stone, unless you want it to be.”
I got what she was trying to say. I was holding myself back, and by doing so, I could be doing damage tomine and Lincoln’s relationshipwithout meaning to. The more I dwelt on it, the more I realized that if I couldn’t find it in myself to go to him, then I might as well kiss goodbye to what we’d found.
There was only one thing I could do.
I had to suck it up, face my fears and get on a plane to Sydney.
**
