Page 10 of Quake
“You’re oblivious to your kick-ass package,” Dom said with a sigh. “I’ve got no hope with you around, Jules.”
At that moment, Jade appeared out of her office, and everyone scurried back to their desks, pretending to be hard at work. I just sat there staring into space, wondering what it was that everyone seemed to see in me. Not able to pinpoint it, I felt another spiral intoshamesville, population me. It was just another thing on a long list of qualities the man who took Mel’s life stole from me.
I’d tried to move on, go on dates, attempt to get to know some decent guys, but it always ended up the same way. After a few dates, it became apparent I was too much hard work, so once things became too much to handle, they usually bailed, but not before getting their fill of fucking. They would use me to get off, and then I would be shown the door, completely blindsided.
It was always the same, no matter what I did or how hard I tried. I’d become as empty and meaningless as my sex life.
I was so messed up, how could I ever think I had a chance with a guy like Caleb? He’d shown interest, but I was just a customer.
Realizing I was completely into self-torture, I Googled his name, along with the keywords Beat, boxing, and Melbourne, and the result was fired back at me in under a second.
I recognized him immediately from the image results, and I swallowed, my heart beating double time. I caught the words boxer, champion, and his surname, Carmichael, before I panicked and hit thexto close the window, but the mouse slipped, and I missed.
If he was a champion boxer, then the staff there must be good, right? Imagine what their self-defense class could teach me. Caleb wouldn’t be there, so facing my humiliation wouldn’t be a problem. The first step was the hardest, and it looked like mine would be gathering the courage to walk back through that roller door. If I couldn’t face that, then how could I face everything I’d become in the wake of Mel’s murder?
Staring at Caleb Carmichael’s picture, I knew I had to get my shit together before I drowned in it.
“What are you looking at?”
My heart twisted, and I glanced sheepishly at Jade, who was standing over me.
“I, um… I…” I stammered.
She peered at the screen, a sad look in her eyes, and said, “I knew a fighter once.”
Then she turned and disappeared down the hall.
* * *
Tuesday came, and I sucked it up and went back to Beat.
The day before, I’d gone down to the cheap clothing stores on Swanston Street and bought myself a pair of knee-length lycra leggings with a black and white design, a sports bra, and a black Everlast racerback tank. Cue me getting changed in the toilets at work, and then riding the tram all the way to the gym. I wasn’t exactly fashionable, but boy, I was comfortable.
The roller door was open just like it’d been the other day. Glancing at the clock on my phone, I was still ten minutes early, so I hovered outside, pretending to text on my phone as other women turned up. They all went in without hesitation, gathering in the same place Caleb said they would. Peering inside, I saw the instructor setting up a row of padded bags and gloves. Everyone was oblivious to my anxiety. Everyone, that was, except me.
No one was going to hold my hand, so I slunk inside, praying for invisibility until I got my bearings. Setting my bag against the wall, I slipped my shoes off, mirroring what the other women were doing.
No one seemed to have noticed me appear, so I glanced around the studio, taking in the parts I’d missed the other day. Beat was bigger than I thought it would be. Beyond the scary roller door, there was a fully kitted out gym with a boxing ring, weight and cardio rooms, and an upstairs area. Further back were entrances to male and female change rooms and another door that led someplace else.
A quick look around made me realize we were pretty much the only people here. The beefy fighters who’d stared at me on Saturday were nowhere to be seen, and just as I’d expected, Caleb was absent along with them, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Was it relief, though? I certainly felt more comfortable, but I couldn’t help wondering where he was.
Did I really need a guy in my life? No, probably not. What about a harmless crush? No, not that, either. I knew what I was like when I fawned over a guy. Soon, I’d make myself fall in love with the idea of being with him without knowing who he was at all. It would be nothing more than a fantasy. Besides, a guy like that was already taken.Guaranteed.
“Hey,” a deep voice rumbled beside me.
Startled, I twisted around and smacked into a hard muscled chest. Big hands grasped my shoulders, righting me, and I glanced up into the face of the instructor. I remembered him from my most embarrassing moment.
“Careful there,” he said and let me go once he was satisfied I wasn’t going to fall ass over tit. “Class hasn’t started yet.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “You… You startled me.”
He smiled, his brown eyes reminding me of chocolate.Damn, what a weird thing to think.
“I’m Tommy, the instructor,” he explained, not seeming to care about my awkwardness. “I saw you here on Saturday, right? Talking to Caleb?”
“I…ah… I was. I’m new here and…”
“You’re new in Melbourne?” he asked, and I nodded. “Well, we’ve got a great town here. What’s your name? I can’t call you blue eyes, though I like giving people nicknames.”
