Page 73 of Quake
“He did?”
“He cares about you. Honestly, I saw love in that man’s eyes.” Nodding at the envelope, she said, “Whatever’s in that letter, it seems really important.”
Suddenly, I felt really tired even though I’d spent the last few days in bed.
“Here,” she said, nudging the bowl of pasta. “This should be cool enough to eat by now. You curl up on the couch, get that into you, and read the letter.” She ushered me toward the couch, the bowl in her free hand. “Now, do you want me to stay? I can if you like.”
I shook my head as I sank down and cradled the bowl in my lap. “No. I’m fine, really.”
“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to leave you alone if you’re not feeling well.”
“I think…” I began, trying to make sense of my feelings. “I think I need to do the next bit alone.”
Jade smiled, her gaze falling to the letter. “Okay. You have my number if you need anything. Anything at all, you hear?”
“What about work?”
“You’re the best assistant I’ve ever had, and you’ve only been around for like three months or whatever.” She waved her hand at me and opened the front door. “Come back on Monday.”
“Are you going to tell Caleb?” I asked. “About…” I gestured to the state of my flat, which was a great deal cleaner after Jade had her way with it.
“I’m going to tell him you’re okay. Mum’s the word about the other stuff.”
She winked, flashing a bright smile, then she was gone.
* * *
Caleb’s letterripped me apart…then put me back together.
That afternoon, I sat curled up on the couch, the bowl of pasta Jade cooked in my lap, and I cried my eyes out. At that point, I thought I was already dried up, but it seemed like I had more in reserve.
You were faced with a terrible choice, and you did what you thought was right. You honored your sister’s wishes.
He knew everything, and still, he wanted to be with me, but… There was always a but. In this case, it was his father’s threats. If word of it got out, then it still would’ve been for nothing. My mum and dad were on tenterhooks as it was, so nothing had changed…unless Caleb had a plan to thwart the blackmailing.
I read over the last paragraph of his letter, his unusually neat handwriting searing into my brain. He wrote in all caps—even making the usual capital letters larger than the little letters—and it was strange yet completely like him.
I know what you’re facing, but you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to submit to my father’s assholery. Come to Beat tonight (Wednesday), and we can talk it over. We can face this together, but we have to put us back together first. I want to help you. I always have. Knowing the sacrifice you made for your sister hasn’t changed that. Please come. I’ll be waiting. Love Caleb.
I stared at the last line, hardly daring to believe he really wanted what he was saying.Love Caleb.
Setting the bowl aside, I curled up on the couch, my cheek pressing against the armrest. I was desperate to believe in something other than darkness, so that was how I knew I was going even though every fiber of my being was screaming at me to run in the other direction. Those were ingrained responses, fail-safes my subconscious had hard-coded into my being. It wasn’t me doing the running, it was my fear.
All this time, I’d been working up to this moment, the ultimate showdown with my past. This was it. If I ran from it now, there was no going back. I would be a shell, crippled by fear and depression forever.
I couldn’t erase the fact that I was in love with Caleb. So…I went to Beat.
* * *
Iwasn’tafraid of the darkened streets anymore. Either that or I was so wrapped up in my own agony I didn’t notice.
The closer I got to the studio, the more uncertain I became. What if this was a cruel joke? What if he wanted to help, but he didn’t love me? What if this was his way of letting me down gently? Or was it just an elaborate ruse to make sure I wasn’t going to harm myself so he would be able to rest easy?
I was making myself sick with anxiety.
I didn’t even glance into the alley where I’d stumbled across that crime scene…how long ago was it? About three months since the night I realized my problems would follow me everywhere I went, no matter how far I fled or what color I dyed my hair. I saw the sheet lying over that woman, and it’d started this whole thing. A chain reaction that was either about to blow up in my face or save me.
I crossed over the darkened alley, my gaze set on the street ahead. No one was around. This part of Sydney Road was quieter than the lower half that sat closer to the city. There were bars, restaurants, and even a little shopping center down there. Here, there was nothing but closed storefronts.
