Page 59 of Rush
So I sat there and took the beating…and Margaret loved me for it.
Outside, the sun was shining, but inside, my heart reminded me of the Bog of Eternal Stench from the movieLabyrinth.
I was so completely lost.
There was no moving forward. There was just floating.
Walking along the promenade next to the Yarra River, I skirted the Arts Center, crossed St. Kilda Road, and disappeared into the Queen Victoria Gardens. Here, among all the greenery, I was well enough alone other than a few families and other people enjoying the parkland, though the hum of the city was ever-present.
Sitting under the shade of a tree, I studied the floral clock on the lawn, my head spinning. I’d never been to the botanical gardens before, and all it reminded me of was Ryan. Taking out the bucket list from my bag, I found my pen and added a new item to the list.Visit the Botanical Gardens.
“Check,” I whispered.
Staring at number five and its question marks, tears began to well. Reaching for my phone, I unlocked the screen and scrolled through my contacts. When I reached Ryan’s name, my finger hovered, poised on the precipice.
I was waiting for myPretty Womanmoment where Ryan would roll on by in a stretch limousine, emerge from the skylight in the roof, and shower me with dozens of red roses…but he never did. He was probably too busy fucking Margaret to punish me.
Ryan fucking Margaret.Oh, God.
Finally, I sighed and scrolled back up to Hunter’s number and pressed the screen. The call rang and rang, then went to voicemail.
“Hello. You’ve reached the voicemail of Hunter Ballinger. I’m currently unavailable. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a short message after the beep, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.”
“Hunter, it’s Jade…” I sighed not even knowing what to say. “Listen, I’m just calling to… Actually, I’m not sure why I’m calling. I’ve had a lot of time to think and I, um… I know I spent more time thinking about work than I did you, but if you had a problem with it, you should’ve said something. I could’ve been a better girlfriend.” I watched a young family walk past and narrowed my eyes. That could’ve been Hunter and me in a few years. Baby and all. “Would you have said anything if I hadn’t caught you? I’m not really sure anymore… Maybe we were never meant to get married… Maybe this whole mess was unavoidable. Who knows? I sure as fuck don’t know who I am anymore.” I snorted, glancing at my lap. “Listen, Hunter. I need my money. I don’t have anything. I lost my job, Margaret wouldn’t help me even if I asked, and I don’t want to burden my parents with this mess. I’m a few days away from being out on the street with zero to my name. If you could just have your assistant or whoever transfer my money into my new account…that’s all I’m asking. I don’t need an explanation or an apology or whatever. I just need my money. And…let me know where you want me to send the ring, and I’ll, uh… Okay. I, uh… Bye.”
It was cold after all the years we’d been together, but I wasn’t sure I should’ve acted any different.
I hung up the call, humiliation and despair washing over me. Admitting that I was falling apart to the man I was supposed to marry felt like I was betraying the person I was supposed to be. I was meant to be strong, empowered, and ballsy enough to deal with this shit. Wasn’t I?
Letting my phone fall into my handbag, I picked up the bucket list and crumpled it in my hand.
My entire life had been a sham.
22
Ryan
No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jade.
Her claws had sunk into my heart and hadn’t let go, which was a clear indicator of how much she’d come to mean to me…and how she’d never left. All those years had passed, and I hadn’t let go of the fantasy.
Sitting on the couch she’d slept on for a solid week and the couch where we’d fucked, I shoved my hand down my shorts and grasped my cock. I couldn’t get rid of her, no matter how hard I tried. She was just…all around me.
Stroking my shaft, I realized I would have to move. I would have to find another place to live because every time I opened my eyes, she was there. She was everywhere.
When I’d finally claimed her body—my cock sliding through her wetness—I’d thought I’d finally made it. She saw in me the things I saw in her. Had I seen them, or was it all part of the dream?
Pulling my erection out, I sat there and began stroking. My palm squeezed as I moved up and down, my other hand massaging my balls. In my fantasy, Jade straddled me, guiding my cock to her opening. Then she lowered herself, taking me deep before riding me. My hands would grasp her waist and move her as I thrust upward. She liked it hard and a little rough, and the faster I pounded against her clit, the more she begged. The exact moment she lost it was intoxicating, and her moans…they were the best drug.
Ripping off my T-shirt, I leaned forward and pumped harder, needing to come and come until she was out of my system. She had to get the fuck out of my head so I could stop feeling so empty.
Outside of Pulse and fighting, I was alone. I would’ve given her it all. I had given her everything, but she squashed it down and treated it like it was bargain basement. A twenty-thousand-dollar ring meant more to her than my unconditional love. For a man like me admitting that shit? She should be so fucking lucky.
I came, my come bursting from the tip of my cock and landing over my abs. Grunting, I squeezed my balls before stroking my shaft, milking the last of my orgasm. Imagining her tongue lapping at my crown, I rubbed my fingers over myself, spreading the last beads of my release across my tight skin.
When I was finally spent, I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling, my fantasy dissolving into darkness.
Would I ever be rid of her ghost?
