Page 68 of Rush
“You’re…” I began, starting to feel out of my depth. My bravado was fading fast.
“Ash Fuller,” he said. “Ryan’s coach.”
“I’m sorry to sneak in like this, but I need to see Ryan,” I blurted. “It’s important.”
“He’s not here,” Ash said, crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s got a fight tonight.”
“A fight?” I asked, my mouth dropping open. “He finally got his first fight?” To myself, I muttered, “Then he wouldn’t have seen it…”
“Seen what?” Ash narrowed his eyes but not in a menacing way. He looked genuinely curious.
“I, uh…” I handed him the copy of theLifestylemagazine. “It’s all in there.”
He flipped open the magazine, and his eyebrows quirked as he read over the article headline and studied the picture of me.
“Ryan’s been tight-lipped on what happened the week he was away,” he said. “When he got back, he was more rattled than when I told him to take the time off in the first place.”
“I’m to blame for that,” I muttered. “I didn’t mean… I didn’t fuck up his training, did I?”
“No.” He shook his head. “He hasn’t been himself, though.”
I lowered my head, my confidence fleeing the building. I’d ruined him, hadn’t I? I’d never realized how I’d affected the course of his life, but then again, I hadn’t realized a lot of things.
“Do you want to explain it to me?” Ash asked. “I’m listening.”
“But you don’t even know me.”
He held up the magazine. “If this headline means what I think it does, then I don’t think it matters.”
Fortune, Fame, and Fakery. The Rise and Fall of Jade Forsyth…a Modern Tragedy, by Kevin Merritt.
“I hurt him,” I said. “I didn’t mean to, but I did. I was so blind to everything until he opened my eyes.”
“So, this is your story?” When I nodded, he grunted and looked at the magazine again. “Pretty ballsy. What’s it say?”
“How much of a selfish bitch I was. How I got caught up in a game, lost everything, and learned from my mistakes. It all started when I caught my fiancé fucking another woman,” I said. “That day, I ran into Ryan and he… He rode with me to a hotel and made sure I was okay. My friends, they didn’t even care. They laughed behind my back like I’d deserved everything I got. When I came back to find Ryan… He…”
“He was the only one who gave a shit?” Ash asked. “Sounds like him.”
“All that time, I never realized all that was fake, you know? The engagement, the money, the clothes, the ridiculous amounts of overtime I was putting in at my job, my friendship group. It was nice to be part of something,” I said. “Even though it was toxic, I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted someone to listen to me. I wanted to be accepted and liked. You should be able to voice your frustrations to your friends and have them listen without judgment. That’s what they’re for, right? They shouldn’t take notes and screenshots to use as ammunition. I knew I was walking a fine line, that my turn was coming. I’d sat there listening to the drama and did nothing to stop it. I was part of the problem.” I sighed, feeling completely duped. “I knew I didn’t quite fit in, but I wasn’t strong enough to let go. I ignored my gut, and by the time I realized I should back out gracefully…amicably…it was too late. Now I’m the bad guy…all for wanting to belong to something.”
“You’re not the bad guy,” Ash said. “Everyone has faults, you know.”
“My faults cost me dearly,” I argued. “Ryan showed me a life I never thought was possible for someone like me. He showed me there was more to living than work and money. He showed me the person I had the potential of being if I had the courage to let go. He’s always been there, helping me see these things despite me choosing someone else over him time and time again. The wrong someone. But it wasn’t until now, until it was too late, that I saw… That I saw he loved me. And even then, it took losing everything to realize I love him. This…” I tapped the magazine. “This is my last shot at being real and owning up to the things I did. This is my last chance to tell him how I feel. He will never speak to me after what I did, but he might read this.”
“He might…” Ash peered at the magazine.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I added, “Would… Would you give it to him? Please?”
Ash studied me for a long time while I stood there fighting back tears. He didn’t kick me out, but he didn’t offer any advice, either. He just stared like he was sizing up an opponent in the ring. I figured he was attempting to puzzle out my statement to see if I was being honest or not.
“This is it,” I muttered. “I don’t have anything else. Without him, I’m nothing. Ryan…he’s everything.”
“I’m headed over to Rod Laver Arena,” he said. “Do you want a ride? I can get you in the side door.”
“You would do that for me?” A tear escaped my right eye, and I swatted it away.
He grinned and shook his head. “I’ve been through my fair share of shit over the years. I can see why he’s into you, and that’s enough for me to help you out.”
